So I'm scrolling through Facebook this morning and one of my favorite pages (In Power Sisterhood) has this posted:
"Good people are not those who lack flaws, the brave are not those who feel no fear, and the generous are not those who never feel selfish. Extraordinary people are not extraordinary because they are invulnerable to unconscious biases. They are extraordinary because they choose to do something about it." --- Shankar Vedantam
Above the quote IPS had this to say:
You are extraordinary and making incredible choices. Share the choices with our sisterhood that help you overcome your flaws and fears!
I comment on this page often, so I started to comment, but quickly realized that my "comment" could possibly be pages long. Aaaand here we are! So where to begin? Hmmm...fears....I've written about fear before and I am determined in my life to not be ruled by it. Recently, I have seen many posts or quotes about the same concept in this quote, "...the brave are not those who feel no fear..." and I love it. For a long time I thought the key to fear was to "not be afraid." That's just not true - and it's impossible! Of course there are things in life that we're going to be afraid of. But this quote nails it. It's not the absence of fear that makes someone brave, it's the willingness to face that fear, to go forward anyway, to overcome it.
Personally, this whole concept has made fear easier for me to deal with. When I thought I "shouldn't be afraid," I felt like a failure the instant I felt fearful. Because with that mentality, I was. I was already afraid - oops - fail! However, feelings are feelings, it's what you do with those feelings that make a difference. Now that I see it differently, when I get fearful I can pause (mentally freak out if necessary) and then decide if I'm going to face it or run from it. I'd be lying if I said I never ran. The important part is that sometimes I don't. And whether it's a big fear or a tiny one, no matter what the outcome is, facing it equals a win. To be honest, even sometimes when I run, it's still a win - or at least a tie! Awareness is half the battle - and if you can recognize that you're running because you're afraid (and if you know why you're afraid - even better) then it's only a matter of time before you're brave enough to not run.
The other two concepts seem new to me. Although they shouldn't. I mean, after reading them I totally agree. Obviously, everyone has flaws. Even good people. And one of those flaws can be selfishness. Even for someone who is generous. It makes sense. I had just never thought about it before. Unless of course, I'm judging them. How many times have you been completely offended by someone's selfishness? I know that for me, it's been countless times. The "good people having flaws" isn't such a tough one for me. We're all sinners and I easily recognize that we all make mistakes. (Like being judgmental - oops) But it's interesting to me that there are certain ones that strike a chord with me. It's even more interesting that only certain ones with certain people strike a chord with me. For example - selfishness in generous people. Selfishness in and of itself doesn't offend me. We've all been selfish at one point or another, and we've all been generous from time to time. It's when someone I know who is consistently generous (it doesn't matter if it's with time or money or their love -whatever) and they slip up. I've always been totally thrown by that because it's so out of character for them. But why is that such a shocker? Everyone does falter from time to time. And if they're so generous that it shocks me when they're selfish, shouldn't that say even more about them? That it's so rare?
It's also interesting to me that this specific example is in this quote - selfishness. Only because it did trigger in me the times when I was judgmental about selfishness. One of the ways I've been overcoming some of my flaws is to be mindful of others and cut them some slack. For the past 2-3 years, I've been working very hard (and trust me, sometimes this is very hard!!!) to accept people for who they are, recognizing where they are in their journey and accepting them even if they choose to stand completely still. I'm proud to say that in many areas and with many people, I have indeed been successful. But selfishness - that's one I still get judgmental about. Hmmm....they say what you don't like about others are the things you don't like about yourself. I guess that means I know what I need to work on next.
Well, those are my thoughts on the things mentioned specifically in that quote. To answer the question - what have I done to overcome my flaws and fears - the biggest thing I've done is being more mindful. Definitely of others and also of myself. I spent years just reacting. If I liked something, you knew. If I didn't like something, you knew that too. To be clear, I don't think sharing your feelings or opinions is a bad thing by a long stretch! What I do think is bad is to react to something or someone without thinking through the consequences. For me personally, although I do care whether or not I hurt someone's feelings with a response, it's more about how I want to show up. Do I want to be a negative or a positive person? If I'm compelled to tell someone I disagree with them, do I have to do it in the nastiest way? So being mindful is a big one for me.
Another big one is the choice to be positive. There are two sides to every story - sometimes even more than two. And a lot of the time, the end result of a situation wasn't the intent. If I've been hurt, I try to ask myself if I think that's what that person meant to do? Someone hurting me on purpose vs someone doing it intentionally are two very different things in my world. Yes, it's difficult to try to see the difference when you're smack dab in the middle of it, but it gets easier with practice.
I've also been doing a lot of introspective work that has helped me immensely!!! (All of those aha moments are way too much information for right now!) I show up differently in my life because of this work. I see things differently. I forgive differently.
So as I read "You are extraordinary and making incredible choices" I had a moment of a shy, "Aww, thanks." Then I had to pause for a moment. Extraordinary? Really? I mean, yeah, it's sometimes hard work, but it's so powerful that it's totally worth it! Why wouldn't I do it? Oh, wait. That's right. Not everyone does. That's sort of the point isn't it? Some people are too scared to look at themselves that closely. Some people are too selfish to let go of their emotional clutter. Some people are flawed. Again - all ok! But that's what makes those who make the effort to do something about it extraordinary!
For those of you who know me, you know I think I'm all that and a bag of chips. However, even I wouldn't - haven't ever used the word extraordinary. It took me a moment as I reread that sentence. Extraordinary? Me? And then I looked back over my journey over the past few years, let the tears spill out and I saw how far I've come. And for the first time in my life, I thought, yeah, I think so!
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Grateful for Opportunities
I read an article this morning about a woman who was going through tremendous emotional growth. Unfortunately, it came at a very busy time in her work life. She was struggling with the fact that this growth took up time that should have been spent working on a project. Although I'm not working and I currently have no deadlines, I definitely sympathize with her. Recently, I have been working on some deep set issues of my own and I can easily say it is time consuming! I decide that I'm going to "sit in the emotion" of whatever the issue is (fully thinking this will only take a little while) and two to three hours later, I emerge from my room exhausted. Usually there has been crying, frustration and sometimes anger. Almost always, I will have come across at least one a-ha moment and I do feel like I've grown. However, like the woman I mentioned, I do start to think about all of the things that I "could have" accomplished in that time.
I didn't realize it until I read that article, but here's the thing that I'm most disturbed about. Why is our emotional growth not important? I would bet that quite a few people I know would think I was nuts if they knew how much time I've spent "sitting in emotion" in the past few months. Here's the thing - it's so amazing! I am constantly shocked at the number of times I react to something without even knowing why. Most of the time, the reaction has nothing to do with the actual situation - weird - or is it? It is amazingly empowering to look back at a reaction that I had only thirty minutes ago and figure out why my reaction was so strong. (or so wrong) Awareness is the first step. If you can figure out why you do the things you do, you can change them. Or not! That's the beauty - it's up to you!
Wow! To be able to choose who you want to be! I have spent years and years saying, "That's just who I am." It wasn't an untrue statement. But when "who you are" is someone you don't like - change it! That's so easy to say. But it is crazy difficult to do. The secret is that the most difficult part of that change is if you don't know why you're doing it in the first place, so figuring that out is key. Only after the knowledge comes can the change begin. Voila - growth! And no, my house still isn't vacuumed. It's all about the choices we make.
As for the timing - the woman being frustrated that her growth didn't come at a great time - when is there ever a good time? When does anyone say, "I'd like to take hours, days or months to do something that is going to take away from everything else in my life?" The answer is never! No one ever says that. Especially something that is difficult. Especially something that you can't casually say to a co-worker who you're sure hasn't had a day of emotional growth in their life. Especially something that some could mistake for selfishness or laziness. My opinion? The timing is always perfect! It doesn't matter what you're going through or how busy you are. Deep emotional issues are indeed difficult and if you're not ready to deal with them, they won't rear their little heads. They come when you're ready. They come when you need them.
Trust me - I don't always like going through all of the tough stuff any more than the next person. What I do like is being a grown up. I like not reacting to something like I did when I was 19. I like taking pause and deciding the best way to handle something. Yes, it's hard, but I can honestly tell you that whenever I cave to what's easy, I always wish I could turn back time and handle it differently. That makes it worth it!
Situations and people and feelings are put in front of us as opportunities. I couldn't begin to name all of the possibilities, but when it comes to the opportunity for growth....no matter how difficult it is....I am indeed grateful!
I didn't realize it until I read that article, but here's the thing that I'm most disturbed about. Why is our emotional growth not important? I would bet that quite a few people I know would think I was nuts if they knew how much time I've spent "sitting in emotion" in the past few months. Here's the thing - it's so amazing! I am constantly shocked at the number of times I react to something without even knowing why. Most of the time, the reaction has nothing to do with the actual situation - weird - or is it? It is amazingly empowering to look back at a reaction that I had only thirty minutes ago and figure out why my reaction was so strong. (or so wrong) Awareness is the first step. If you can figure out why you do the things you do, you can change them. Or not! That's the beauty - it's up to you!
Wow! To be able to choose who you want to be! I have spent years and years saying, "That's just who I am." It wasn't an untrue statement. But when "who you are" is someone you don't like - change it! That's so easy to say. But it is crazy difficult to do. The secret is that the most difficult part of that change is if you don't know why you're doing it in the first place, so figuring that out is key. Only after the knowledge comes can the change begin. Voila - growth! And no, my house still isn't vacuumed. It's all about the choices we make.
As for the timing - the woman being frustrated that her growth didn't come at a great time - when is there ever a good time? When does anyone say, "I'd like to take hours, days or months to do something that is going to take away from everything else in my life?" The answer is never! No one ever says that. Especially something that is difficult. Especially something that you can't casually say to a co-worker who you're sure hasn't had a day of emotional growth in their life. Especially something that some could mistake for selfishness or laziness. My opinion? The timing is always perfect! It doesn't matter what you're going through or how busy you are. Deep emotional issues are indeed difficult and if you're not ready to deal with them, they won't rear their little heads. They come when you're ready. They come when you need them.
Trust me - I don't always like going through all of the tough stuff any more than the next person. What I do like is being a grown up. I like not reacting to something like I did when I was 19. I like taking pause and deciding the best way to handle something. Yes, it's hard, but I can honestly tell you that whenever I cave to what's easy, I always wish I could turn back time and handle it differently. That makes it worth it!
Situations and people and feelings are put in front of us as opportunities. I couldn't begin to name all of the possibilities, but when it comes to the opportunity for growth....no matter how difficult it is....I am indeed grateful!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
A Frog Outside My Window?
I've started this post three different times now - with three different topics. I'm in one of those "I'm all over the place" modes. I've been doing a lot of introspection, lately so the deep thoughts in my head are many. It's Sunday night, so my to-do list for this week is in the forefront and it feels like emails and phone calls and chores are in a vicious game of rock/paper/scissors. Of course how I really want to spend my time this week is by doing nothing unless some sort of fun! Unfortunately, fun normally doesn't show up on my doorstep in the middle of the week unannounced, so I'm guessing a huge amount of laundry is in my future.
There's always the possibility that I'll figure out what to do with my life by the time I wake up tomorrow, so then I could do that instead. Of course, that's why I'm here. I have a friend whose dream has inspired me! I want to help, I want to be a part of it, I want that excitement. Oh, wait - I have a dream, right? Ummm...yeah? Oh, I remember, I wanted to try my hand at writing. The only problem is that deep introspection, emails, phone calls and chores get in the way. Not to mention the whole mommy thing - driving kids back and forth, practicing the piano, homework and making them feel cherished all at the same time. It's no wonder that writing got pushed to the bottom of the list.
I decided not tonight. I sat down and started to write. Hmmm...that first one didn't feel quite right. The second one - well, I have something very profound to say on that topic, but the words just weren't coming out right. Then I heard what sounds like a frog outside of my window and I thought, "That's what I should write about." How cool would it be to have a frog outside of my window? I know that those who know me well are thinking that I'm not the type of girl who likes frogs - wrong!!! I LOVE frogs. As a matter of fact, I do much better with slimy than I do with crawly. (I guess I have my Jr. High biology teacher to thank for that.) So I'd be thrilled to have a little froggie out front.
The more I think about it, there isn't really a lot to say about the possibility of having a frog outside of my window. The good news is that little croak got me going. I have officially written a post tonight. So here we go again, faithful friends. Let's hope I'll be back tomorrow night. And if it's getting too late and you're not seeing something from me - let's hope that little frogger dude croaks me into another writing mood. Maybe next time, you'll get some profound thoughts.
There's always the possibility that I'll figure out what to do with my life by the time I wake up tomorrow, so then I could do that instead. Of course, that's why I'm here. I have a friend whose dream has inspired me! I want to help, I want to be a part of it, I want that excitement. Oh, wait - I have a dream, right? Ummm...yeah? Oh, I remember, I wanted to try my hand at writing. The only problem is that deep introspection, emails, phone calls and chores get in the way. Not to mention the whole mommy thing - driving kids back and forth, practicing the piano, homework and making them feel cherished all at the same time. It's no wonder that writing got pushed to the bottom of the list.
I decided not tonight. I sat down and started to write. Hmmm...that first one didn't feel quite right. The second one - well, I have something very profound to say on that topic, but the words just weren't coming out right. Then I heard what sounds like a frog outside of my window and I thought, "That's what I should write about." How cool would it be to have a frog outside of my window? I know that those who know me well are thinking that I'm not the type of girl who likes frogs - wrong!!! I LOVE frogs. As a matter of fact, I do much better with slimy than I do with crawly. (I guess I have my Jr. High biology teacher to thank for that.) So I'd be thrilled to have a little froggie out front.
The more I think about it, there isn't really a lot to say about the possibility of having a frog outside of my window. The good news is that little croak got me going. I have officially written a post tonight. So here we go again, faithful friends. Let's hope I'll be back tomorrow night. And if it's getting too late and you're not seeing something from me - let's hope that little frogger dude croaks me into another writing mood. Maybe next time, you'll get some profound thoughts.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I Do Hard
Ok, ok - get your mind out of the gutter! I'm guessing that's where it is because that's where mine went the first time that was said to me - even in the very serious conversation I was having. I was at an AMAZING two day seminar and in the middle of the discussion about being taken care of vs. taking care of myself. I was working through doing the yucky things that I always pawned off on my ex as well as providing for myself. I was struggling with "I can't take care of myself." Of course I can!!! Then I was struggling with "I can take care of myself." It just wasn't strong enough. (Plus "can" is one of those futuristic words. It sounds really positive because it's the opposite of the negative, but it's still a word that could end up meaning "I can, but I'm not.") In my frustration, I got distracted by another conversation in which my friend was apprehensive of going back to school because "It's too hard." This was the missing key in my dilemma. It's not really that I can't do the yucky things, it's not that I can't provide for myself, it's just that to do those things - especially considering how long I haven't done those things - is really hard!!! So I asked the woman leading the seminar how she would word it and she said, "How about 'I do hard?'"
It was very empowering. Sure! That makes sense. I can do hard. (oops - there's that word "can" again) I was all pumped up and ready to take on the world. And if I may pat myself on the back for a minute, I have accomplished quite a bit since that seminar. However.... you knew that was coming..... it's so easy to get worn down. It's so easy to feel like there's so much on your plate that something's got to give. It's so easy to choose.... easy!
I was at the hospital yesterday with my family while my sister was having a surgery. A few of us were talking about some of the tough things each of us have been going through lately and the talk was dwindling down and the end comment was, "It's just all so hard!" And that's when the question came to me - why is that??? Why is it that it seems like everything is so crazy hard? Excuse me, not everything, all of the bad things are easy. But let's take something vague - like "doing the right thing." How often is that easy? Yes, it may be the easy "choice" because we all know right from wrong. But how often is following through on that choice easy? I don't know about you, but lately for me, it's been really difficult. And if I'm honest, I've taken the "easy" way. Of course, because I am basically a good person, eventually I realize that I can't keep taking the "easy" way and then "hard" is even harder!!!
Unfortunately, I have no good answers as to why the right things are always hard. Or how to make them easier. I'm just throwing it out there. Once, just once, I'd love to be able to say, "This is the right thing to do. And it was so easy!!!" However, until that happens - even when I don't want to - I do hard!
It was very empowering. Sure! That makes sense. I can do hard. (oops - there's that word "can" again) I was all pumped up and ready to take on the world. And if I may pat myself on the back for a minute, I have accomplished quite a bit since that seminar. However.... you knew that was coming..... it's so easy to get worn down. It's so easy to feel like there's so much on your plate that something's got to give. It's so easy to choose.... easy!
I was at the hospital yesterday with my family while my sister was having a surgery. A few of us were talking about some of the tough things each of us have been going through lately and the talk was dwindling down and the end comment was, "It's just all so hard!" And that's when the question came to me - why is that??? Why is it that it seems like everything is so crazy hard? Excuse me, not everything, all of the bad things are easy. But let's take something vague - like "doing the right thing." How often is that easy? Yes, it may be the easy "choice" because we all know right from wrong. But how often is following through on that choice easy? I don't know about you, but lately for me, it's been really difficult. And if I'm honest, I've taken the "easy" way. Of course, because I am basically a good person, eventually I realize that I can't keep taking the "easy" way and then "hard" is even harder!!!
Unfortunately, I have no good answers as to why the right things are always hard. Or how to make them easier. I'm just throwing it out there. Once, just once, I'd love to be able to say, "This is the right thing to do. And it was so easy!!!" However, until that happens - even when I don't want to - I do hard!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Who Do I Want To Be?
That's my new favorite question! There are a couple of close seconds: How do I want to show up for this situation? and How do I want to react? These questions are new for me. For most of my life, I would just blurt out whatever popped into my pretty little head. It's only in the past few years that I've recognized that I don't have to share everything! (weird, right?) I guess I have my ex to thank for that. It was through therapy because of our split that I had that realization. And for me - it's a really hard thing to do! But I've been slowly plugging along.
It's only recently, though that I've started asking myself these three questions. They came to me because of a conversation - a tiff, if you will - where I completely overreacted. As I was fuming and frustrated, I realized that the issue wasn't really a big deal. It just triggered a jolt back to a situation I didn't want to repeat. I could see that my reaction (my overreaction) was totally out of line. So I asked myself, "Is this really how I want to react?" And the big, fat answer was NO!!!
Ok, so it only took one paragraph to explain that. In my head and the heat of the moment, it took A LOT longer to get there. But I'm so thankful for this exchange because it led me to my questions. I tell my children all the time, "YOU get to decide if you're going to enjoy this experience or not." Why haven't I said that to myself? So now I do. How do I want to show up for this situation? Who do I want to be?
I want to be a woman of my word, honest, sincere. I want to be loving and kind and mindful of others. I want to be selfless, willing to sacrifice myself for those I care about and selfish, taking time to rejuvenate so I can be the best me I can. I want to be a communicator and a listener. I want to accept people for who they are without trying to change them. And just because I've been listening to waaaayyyy too much Katy Perry - I want to love unconditionally!
That's a long list! And deep stuff and I didn't even get everything....
It's not easy to be all of those things. Some of those I am, some are easy changes and some are HUGE transformations! Along the way, I know I will falter. I know there will be times I only think of myself. There will be times I will commit to something with all good intentions and for whatever reason not follow through. As much as I try not to, I will indeed try to change negative people into positive ones. The point is I went through way to much of my life just being who I am without questioning if I even like her. At times I even made changes - cutting out things I did like for someone else. Since being reminded of some of those things, I'm bringing them back!
Of course I believe that to some degree, you are who you are and you should know yourself and accept your limitations. But there are pieces (many, many pieces) that are in our control. Many people go through life not changing ever. If they like who they are and don't want to change, I definitely put them in the "accept them for who they are" pile and that's totally ok. For me - there are a lot of things that I like about myself. (My grandma didn't praise on me all those years for nothin'!) But I'm glad to be "self-aware" enough to realize that there are also things that I don't like about myself. And although it's going to be hard to make those transformations, I want to be someone who doesn't run away just because it's hard.
My happiness is the only happiness I have control over! It's worth any and all the "hard" parts. Sometimes we have to go through some unhappiness to be happy. But isn't that better than not being true to who you are? So now I ask myself on a regular basis - who do I want to be? Is this how I want to show up for this situation? And in the event that I ever blow up at you for something that you think doesn't warrant that kind of blow up - feel free to ask me, "Is that how you wanted to react?"
It's only recently, though that I've started asking myself these three questions. They came to me because of a conversation - a tiff, if you will - where I completely overreacted. As I was fuming and frustrated, I realized that the issue wasn't really a big deal. It just triggered a jolt back to a situation I didn't want to repeat. I could see that my reaction (my overreaction) was totally out of line. So I asked myself, "Is this really how I want to react?" And the big, fat answer was NO!!!
Ok, so it only took one paragraph to explain that. In my head and the heat of the moment, it took A LOT longer to get there. But I'm so thankful for this exchange because it led me to my questions. I tell my children all the time, "YOU get to decide if you're going to enjoy this experience or not." Why haven't I said that to myself? So now I do. How do I want to show up for this situation? Who do I want to be?
I want to be a woman of my word, honest, sincere. I want to be loving and kind and mindful of others. I want to be selfless, willing to sacrifice myself for those I care about and selfish, taking time to rejuvenate so I can be the best me I can. I want to be a communicator and a listener. I want to accept people for who they are without trying to change them. And just because I've been listening to waaaayyyy too much Katy Perry - I want to love unconditionally!
That's a long list! And deep stuff and I didn't even get everything....
It's not easy to be all of those things. Some of those I am, some are easy changes and some are HUGE transformations! Along the way, I know I will falter. I know there will be times I only think of myself. There will be times I will commit to something with all good intentions and for whatever reason not follow through. As much as I try not to, I will indeed try to change negative people into positive ones. The point is I went through way to much of my life just being who I am without questioning if I even like her. At times I even made changes - cutting out things I did like for someone else. Since being reminded of some of those things, I'm bringing them back!
Of course I believe that to some degree, you are who you are and you should know yourself and accept your limitations. But there are pieces (many, many pieces) that are in our control. Many people go through life not changing ever. If they like who they are and don't want to change, I definitely put them in the "accept them for who they are" pile and that's totally ok. For me - there are a lot of things that I like about myself. (My grandma didn't praise on me all those years for nothin'!) But I'm glad to be "self-aware" enough to realize that there are also things that I don't like about myself. And although it's going to be hard to make those transformations, I want to be someone who doesn't run away just because it's hard.
My happiness is the only happiness I have control over! It's worth any and all the "hard" parts. Sometimes we have to go through some unhappiness to be happy. But isn't that better than not being true to who you are? So now I ask myself on a regular basis - who do I want to be? Is this how I want to show up for this situation? And in the event that I ever blow up at you for something that you think doesn't warrant that kind of blow up - feel free to ask me, "Is that how you wanted to react?"
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Jumbled Focus
Holy Cow! Well, so much for blogging every day. (sigh) No need to grumble about it, let's just move on, shall we?
Today was the last day of school. Woo Hoo!!! Oh, right - the last day of school for my daughters. I spent most of the day with the school community because our school has a tradition of everyone going to the park to have lunch. Essentially, I was at the park from 10:15 - 12:30. I told any mom who would listen, "You know you've volunteered too much when you're excited to not step foot into the school for three months." If you know me, you're cracking up right now, because I was the mom who always said she wasn't going to be the crazy volunteer mom at the school every day. Well, I am. (Again - a huge thanks to two friends who saw something in me I hadn't seen in myself!)
In all honesty, I did overdo it a bit. Definitely a lot all at the end of the year - hence not wanting to go back into the school. To top it off, my kids' dad was out of the country for over two weeks. Crazy volunteer lady + procrastination + single mom = one exhausted mama! I spent the majority of the last month thinking, "I've just got to make it through the 23rd." At the beginning of the week, I could hardly see straight. (two hours of sleep will do that to you) So I thought that when all was said and done today, it was going to be like pulling teeth to get me to think about anything school or activity related for a while. Instead the craziest thing happened.
Once I did, indeed make it through the 23rd, everything got clearer. It's like there were cobwebs in my head and once I got done with "the end of the year" I was able to look ahead. All of a sudden instead of the thoughts in my brain being very loud white noise, they were very specific.
Meet with the principal to schedule the Fall Fling. Make a list for the new auction chair volunteer to ask the previous auction chair volunteer. Get the Fit Club DVDs finalized and delivered. Nail down new co-leaders for the older girl scout troop. Does there need to be a third younger girl scout troop? Email PTA treasurer about Fall Fling funds. Who would be interested in being in charge of the Fit Club t-shirts for next year? The gal who saved me this year? Will she want to do it again? How soon can I ask her? Wait! Fall Fling first!!! Connect with the chair positions who need to do tasks over the summer. New games? Better payment options? Decorations? Who are the girls' teachers going to be next year? How can I possibly wish for a certain 4th grade teacher when I've heard ALL of them are fab? Summer camps! Swim team? Schedule Texas road trip. Spring cleaning!!! (I did mention procrastination, didn't I?)
As you can see, this is why it's "jumbled" focus. The cobwebs are cleared out, so I can finally think again, but I'm still all over the place. Here's the good news: jumbled focus is better than no focus at all. Tomorrow is officially "summer planning day," so let the lists begin! I know the above paragraph looks like a whole lotta crazy - but two years ago, at least half of those thoughts wouldn't have even entered my head. That's called progress, my friends. I am renewed. I am excited. I am sure that I'll get this school thing all figured out by the time my children graduate! And in the meantime, I'm breathing a sigh of relief that with the clarity comes excitement. I thought I was going to dread starting all over again, but I'm not.
This last year was SO FUN!!! As crazy as it sometimes was, it was fun! And I can't wait to do it all over again. So here's to a great summer, a million lists and jumbled focus - life is good!!!
Today was the last day of school. Woo Hoo!!! Oh, right - the last day of school for my daughters. I spent most of the day with the school community because our school has a tradition of everyone going to the park to have lunch. Essentially, I was at the park from 10:15 - 12:30. I told any mom who would listen, "You know you've volunteered too much when you're excited to not step foot into the school for three months." If you know me, you're cracking up right now, because I was the mom who always said she wasn't going to be the crazy volunteer mom at the school every day. Well, I am. (Again - a huge thanks to two friends who saw something in me I hadn't seen in myself!)
In all honesty, I did overdo it a bit. Definitely a lot all at the end of the year - hence not wanting to go back into the school. To top it off, my kids' dad was out of the country for over two weeks. Crazy volunteer lady + procrastination + single mom = one exhausted mama! I spent the majority of the last month thinking, "I've just got to make it through the 23rd." At the beginning of the week, I could hardly see straight. (two hours of sleep will do that to you) So I thought that when all was said and done today, it was going to be like pulling teeth to get me to think about anything school or activity related for a while. Instead the craziest thing happened.
Once I did, indeed make it through the 23rd, everything got clearer. It's like there were cobwebs in my head and once I got done with "the end of the year" I was able to look ahead. All of a sudden instead of the thoughts in my brain being very loud white noise, they were very specific.
Meet with the principal to schedule the Fall Fling. Make a list for the new auction chair volunteer to ask the previous auction chair volunteer. Get the Fit Club DVDs finalized and delivered. Nail down new co-leaders for the older girl scout troop. Does there need to be a third younger girl scout troop? Email PTA treasurer about Fall Fling funds. Who would be interested in being in charge of the Fit Club t-shirts for next year? The gal who saved me this year? Will she want to do it again? How soon can I ask her? Wait! Fall Fling first!!! Connect with the chair positions who need to do tasks over the summer. New games? Better payment options? Decorations? Who are the girls' teachers going to be next year? How can I possibly wish for a certain 4th grade teacher when I've heard ALL of them are fab? Summer camps! Swim team? Schedule Texas road trip. Spring cleaning!!! (I did mention procrastination, didn't I?)
As you can see, this is why it's "jumbled" focus. The cobwebs are cleared out, so I can finally think again, but I'm still all over the place. Here's the good news: jumbled focus is better than no focus at all. Tomorrow is officially "summer planning day," so let the lists begin! I know the above paragraph looks like a whole lotta crazy - but two years ago, at least half of those thoughts wouldn't have even entered my head. That's called progress, my friends. I am renewed. I am excited. I am sure that I'll get this school thing all figured out by the time my children graduate! And in the meantime, I'm breathing a sigh of relief that with the clarity comes excitement. I thought I was going to dread starting all over again, but I'm not.
This last year was SO FUN!!! As crazy as it sometimes was, it was fun! And I can't wait to do it all over again. So here's to a great summer, a million lists and jumbled focus - life is good!!!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Focus on the Moment
I have always looked to what's ahead. I'm sure that's why when I was little my grandmother used to preach, "Don't wish your life away!" It's easy to do though, isn't it? When you're little, you want to grow into a teenager to be cool. When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult so that you can call your own shots. Even as an adult, I always looked forward. When I get married... When I have a baby... When I have another baby... When they go to school... When summer comes... Of course I could go on and on.
It was quite a while ago that I realized that you can miss a lot by thinking about the future. Of course there has to be some amount of planning and what not, but if you're always looking ahead - can you ever enjoy now? The first year I was married was an awesome year. We took some sort of vacation or long weekend almost every month. We spent a lot of time with our friends and on our hobbies. We were still in the ga-ga phase. Life was great!
Thank goodness I took lots of pictures to remind me of that, because that was also the first year we tried to get pregnant. It didn't happen quickly. And although trying was fun, I spent most of that year thinking about what it was going to be like when I got pregnant and when we had another little life in our house. I definitely enjoyed that year, but I think I would've enjoyed it more if I had been paying attention to what was going on at the moment instead of always looking to the future.
I recently read Gretchen Rubin's new book "Happier at Home" and one of her resolutions was to "experience the experience." Obviously, this wasn't a new concept to me, but it was a great reminder. It's so easy to think about future goals and aspirations, future vacations, or even to focus on tasks that need to get done. Even when your adorable daughter is in the middle of telling a great story, the mind wanders. But every moment that passes is gone forever - we can't get it back. I don't want to think, "I wish I would've paid attention!" Instead I want to bask in the glory of what is right in front of me, right now!
It was quite a while ago that I realized that you can miss a lot by thinking about the future. Of course there has to be some amount of planning and what not, but if you're always looking ahead - can you ever enjoy now? The first year I was married was an awesome year. We took some sort of vacation or long weekend almost every month. We spent a lot of time with our friends and on our hobbies. We were still in the ga-ga phase. Life was great!
Thank goodness I took lots of pictures to remind me of that, because that was also the first year we tried to get pregnant. It didn't happen quickly. And although trying was fun, I spent most of that year thinking about what it was going to be like when I got pregnant and when we had another little life in our house. I definitely enjoyed that year, but I think I would've enjoyed it more if I had been paying attention to what was going on at the moment instead of always looking to the future.
I recently read Gretchen Rubin's new book "Happier at Home" and one of her resolutions was to "experience the experience." Obviously, this wasn't a new concept to me, but it was a great reminder. It's so easy to think about future goals and aspirations, future vacations, or even to focus on tasks that need to get done. Even when your adorable daughter is in the middle of telling a great story, the mind wanders. But every moment that passes is gone forever - we can't get it back. I don't want to think, "I wish I would've paid attention!" Instead I want to bask in the glory of what is right in front of me, right now!
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