I have always looked to what's ahead. I'm sure that's why when I was little my grandmother used to preach, "Don't wish your life away!" It's easy to do though, isn't it? When you're little, you want to grow into a teenager to be cool. When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult so that you can call your own shots. Even as an adult, I always looked forward. When I get married... When I have a baby... When I have another baby... When they go to school... When summer comes... Of course I could go on and on.
It was quite a while ago that I realized that you can miss a lot by thinking about the future. Of course there has to be some amount of planning and what not, but if you're always looking ahead - can you ever enjoy now? The first year I was married was an awesome year. We took some sort of vacation or long weekend almost every month. We spent a lot of time with our friends and on our hobbies. We were still in the ga-ga phase. Life was great!
Thank goodness I took lots of pictures to remind me of that, because that was also the first year we tried to get pregnant. It didn't happen quickly. And although trying was fun, I spent most of that year thinking about what it was going to be like when I got pregnant and when we had another little life in our house. I definitely enjoyed that year, but I think I would've enjoyed it more if I had been paying attention to what was going on at the moment instead of always looking to the future.
I recently read Gretchen Rubin's new book "Happier at Home" and one of her resolutions was to "experience the experience." Obviously, this wasn't a new concept to me, but it was a great reminder. It's so easy to think about future goals and aspirations, future vacations, or even to focus on tasks that need to get done. Even when your adorable daughter is in the middle of telling a great story, the mind wanders. But every moment that passes is gone forever - we can't get it back. I don't want to think, "I wish I would've paid attention!" Instead I want to bask in the glory of what is right in front of me, right now!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Friday, November 9, 2012
Renewed Motivation and....Jake?
Don't get excited, friends - Jake is not a new man in my life. It's an old story that I'll get to later, but I thought I should prep you before you get the wrong idea. Haha!
Part One: Renewed Motivation
I am a stay at home mom and that's all I want to be. (I say that like it's not much - all the other stay at home moms are cracking up right now!) My husband and I separated almost four years ago and almost since the day he left I was told - either by a friend or myself - that I was probably going to have to get a job. He's been amazing in the sense that even through this situation, he's allowed me to continue to be a stay at home mom. Through out the past few years I've gone back and forth about re-entering the work force - mostly begrudgingly. Much more "I'm going to have to get a job" vs. "I want to get a job." However, last May a friend of mine told me that she did voice overs. For the first time in a very long time, something interested me.
I took a class - very basic, I went to her house to see her set up, I got some more information from her. And since then I've had a couple of friends offer me opportunities within their companies. None I was really interested in, but opportunities none-the-less. Another friend suggested that I might do well in event planning after seeing how much I enjoyed working on a major fundraiser. Then last week, I walked in on a conversation between two of my friends from my kids' school. The topic: stay at home moms re-entering the work force, either because they want to or feel they have to. What would they do? Go back into the field they were in before kids or something completely different? Would they use the skills they learned in college or motherhood? Or both? Or neither? Where to begin?
Before I knew it, we were scheduling a meeting where we could brainstorm with and for each other. We'll invite other moms. We can use our talents and connections to get each other started. They both thought the voice over idea was a great one for me. They liked the event planning too. What about getting back into manicuring? Na - done with that phase of my life. So what do I want to do? I started thinking about the skills that I would like to use. I love the life coach I see when I'm in Texas - I'd love to help people that way. I love how The Happiness Project has changed my life, I'd like to incorporate that somehow. By the time I saw Megan again on Monday, I had what felt like 400 ideas floating around in my head. I immediately challenged her to figure out a career that would utilize them all.
Ask and you shall receive!
Later that day she handed me a book on how to figure out what you want to do. I didn't start reading it until tonight. To be clear, I haven't figured out a career to utilize my 400 ideas. I did, however make a massive list and after circling around for awhile, I found myself back at writing. (Ok - there are some other things combined with that, but we're going to focus on writing for right now.) Writing. Hmmm. Didn't I say I wanted to do that before? As a matter of fact, didn't another friend of mine encourage me to get going by helping me set up a blog? That was fun. I enjoyed that. Now, when was the last time I blogged again? Down to my computer I came. In 2011 I had 33 posts. Not nearly as many as I would have liked, but hey, I was just getting started. In 2012 I had....drum roll please....six. SIX! What??? What happened to 2012? I decided immediately that this won't do, so I must blog and I must do it now.
Back to the original question: what to write about? I know! At some point I started a "random things to write about when I can't figure out what to write about" list. There were a few things on the list I had already written about, so I figured I'll just write about whatever is next. Ok - weird topic - but here we go...
Part Two: Jake
Jake is my high school sweetheart's dad. I think of him every now and then because I have a soft spot for him. He was one of those dads who always seemed harsh. Booming loud when he was angry, quiet most of the rest of the time. I don't remember many conversations with him - I was a teenager after all - but there were some. Most of the time, I thought I wasn't even on his radar. Until one Christmas....I was at their house on Christmas morning opening presents from my boyfriend and his mom (super sweet lady - still miss her) and there was a good sized box with my name on it. No clue who it was from. I opened it up to find a beautiful blown glass unicorn. (At the time I was very into blown glass and unicorns.) I was blown away - it was gorgeous! I tried to thank my boyfriend, but he said it wasn't from him. His mom said it wasn't from her - she hadn't seen it before. His brother and dad didn't say anything. Quite the mystery! It wasn't until a few days later that my boyfriend got it out of him that it was, indeed from his dad. This quiet gesture totally changed the way I saw him. Here I thought I was completely insignificant to him and it turns out I was mistaken.
Fast forward several years. My high school sweetheart and I had long since broken up. I was still friends with his cousin and we were having lunch one day when she said, "You sure made an impression on Jake." Whoa - what? Where did that come from? She went on to tell me that they had recently spent some time with him and at a breakfast he retold the story of when I had gone on vacation with them and how I eat my fried eggs.
I guess it's time to admit that I have some rather odd eating habits. What was interesting was that she was able to tell me - in detail - how I eat my eggs. As she re-told Jake's story, I remembered that breakfast. I was half way through my breakfast when I realized that he was done eating, yet he sat at the table staring at me. He was completely enthralled with my bizarre routine. That night at dinner, he told everyone all about it. Everyone had a good laugh (including me) and we went on with the night. Well now, years later, he's still telling that story. I'm sure I'm not in his thoughts every day, nor is he in mine. But it's nice to know, when someone has touched your life, that you've touched theirs as well.
I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to see Jake again, to tell him that I think about him on occasion or that his seemingly small acts made an impact, but like I said - I have a soft spot in my heart - just for him.
Part One: Renewed Motivation
I am a stay at home mom and that's all I want to be. (I say that like it's not much - all the other stay at home moms are cracking up right now!) My husband and I separated almost four years ago and almost since the day he left I was told - either by a friend or myself - that I was probably going to have to get a job. He's been amazing in the sense that even through this situation, he's allowed me to continue to be a stay at home mom. Through out the past few years I've gone back and forth about re-entering the work force - mostly begrudgingly. Much more "I'm going to have to get a job" vs. "I want to get a job." However, last May a friend of mine told me that she did voice overs. For the first time in a very long time, something interested me.
I took a class - very basic, I went to her house to see her set up, I got some more information from her. And since then I've had a couple of friends offer me opportunities within their companies. None I was really interested in, but opportunities none-the-less. Another friend suggested that I might do well in event planning after seeing how much I enjoyed working on a major fundraiser. Then last week, I walked in on a conversation between two of my friends from my kids' school. The topic: stay at home moms re-entering the work force, either because they want to or feel they have to. What would they do? Go back into the field they were in before kids or something completely different? Would they use the skills they learned in college or motherhood? Or both? Or neither? Where to begin?
Before I knew it, we were scheduling a meeting where we could brainstorm with and for each other. We'll invite other moms. We can use our talents and connections to get each other started. They both thought the voice over idea was a great one for me. They liked the event planning too. What about getting back into manicuring? Na - done with that phase of my life. So what do I want to do? I started thinking about the skills that I would like to use. I love the life coach I see when I'm in Texas - I'd love to help people that way. I love how The Happiness Project has changed my life, I'd like to incorporate that somehow. By the time I saw Megan again on Monday, I had what felt like 400 ideas floating around in my head. I immediately challenged her to figure out a career that would utilize them all.
Ask and you shall receive!
Later that day she handed me a book on how to figure out what you want to do. I didn't start reading it until tonight. To be clear, I haven't figured out a career to utilize my 400 ideas. I did, however make a massive list and after circling around for awhile, I found myself back at writing. (Ok - there are some other things combined with that, but we're going to focus on writing for right now.) Writing. Hmmm. Didn't I say I wanted to do that before? As a matter of fact, didn't another friend of mine encourage me to get going by helping me set up a blog? That was fun. I enjoyed that. Now, when was the last time I blogged again? Down to my computer I came. In 2011 I had 33 posts. Not nearly as many as I would have liked, but hey, I was just getting started. In 2012 I had....drum roll please....six. SIX! What??? What happened to 2012? I decided immediately that this won't do, so I must blog and I must do it now.
Back to the original question: what to write about? I know! At some point I started a "random things to write about when I can't figure out what to write about" list. There were a few things on the list I had already written about, so I figured I'll just write about whatever is next. Ok - weird topic - but here we go...
Part Two: Jake
Jake is my high school sweetheart's dad. I think of him every now and then because I have a soft spot for him. He was one of those dads who always seemed harsh. Booming loud when he was angry, quiet most of the rest of the time. I don't remember many conversations with him - I was a teenager after all - but there were some. Most of the time, I thought I wasn't even on his radar. Until one Christmas....I was at their house on Christmas morning opening presents from my boyfriend and his mom (super sweet lady - still miss her) and there was a good sized box with my name on it. No clue who it was from. I opened it up to find a beautiful blown glass unicorn. (At the time I was very into blown glass and unicorns.) I was blown away - it was gorgeous! I tried to thank my boyfriend, but he said it wasn't from him. His mom said it wasn't from her - she hadn't seen it before. His brother and dad didn't say anything. Quite the mystery! It wasn't until a few days later that my boyfriend got it out of him that it was, indeed from his dad. This quiet gesture totally changed the way I saw him. Here I thought I was completely insignificant to him and it turns out I was mistaken.
Fast forward several years. My high school sweetheart and I had long since broken up. I was still friends with his cousin and we were having lunch one day when she said, "You sure made an impression on Jake." Whoa - what? Where did that come from? She went on to tell me that they had recently spent some time with him and at a breakfast he retold the story of when I had gone on vacation with them and how I eat my fried eggs.
I guess it's time to admit that I have some rather odd eating habits. What was interesting was that she was able to tell me - in detail - how I eat my eggs. As she re-told Jake's story, I remembered that breakfast. I was half way through my breakfast when I realized that he was done eating, yet he sat at the table staring at me. He was completely enthralled with my bizarre routine. That night at dinner, he told everyone all about it. Everyone had a good laugh (including me) and we went on with the night. Well now, years later, he's still telling that story. I'm sure I'm not in his thoughts every day, nor is he in mine. But it's nice to know, when someone has touched your life, that you've touched theirs as well.
I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to see Jake again, to tell him that I think about him on occasion or that his seemingly small acts made an impact, but like I said - I have a soft spot in my heart - just for him.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
I don't ususally go off on political rants, but...
...but I've had it! It's only September 6th and I already want to crawl into a hole until after the election. It's bad enough that the TV commercials have started - ok, I have Tivo, I can fast forward. It's bad enough that the phone calls have started - no big, I have caller ID and I know how to hang up my phone. But now the evil has invaded my most happy places - email and Facebook! These are the places I go to veg out, to see cute pictures and funny quotes, to figure out what in my kids' schedule that I've missed putting on my calendar and what the newest Living Social deal is. They are not places where I want to be slapped in the face with the fact that people I like and respect, people that I adore and who know how to make me laugh, have decided to be mean and nasty. All of a sudden, they've gone from people who post pictures of puppies and inspirational quotes to people who - at best - are posting half truths and going for the backhanded insult. At their worst, they're posting blatant lies and being downright disrespectful.
Here's the deal (warning: run-on sentence about to begin) - if you would like to have a conversation about why you're voting for your guy and why I'm voting for my guy, about what issues are important to you vs. what issues are important to me, about why you think my guy's plan won't work and why you think your guy's plan will, about what my guy is doing right and what your guy is doing right, about where we could meet in the middle, about where your party is falling short and where mine is, about where our parties could support each other and discuss why it's so sad that they don't - then I'm all game. I don't pretend to know everything about every issue, but I know enough to be able to have a conversation with someone without insulting you to your face. I know enough to know that every blurb we hear about what an idiot either guy is, it's not the whole story. Both sides cut and paste better than a preschool teacher. Both sides say only the worst about the other and only the best about themselves. I don't care which candidate "supports this message" - it's never the whole story. This isn't new people, so please stop quoting these blurbs like they're Gospel.
I realize that I can't control what people post on FB and that my little rant here won't stop anyone from sending me political emails - but please, at least put something political in the subject line, so I know not to read it. I'm already tired of being mad at my friends about politics. However, as I typed that, I realize that I'm not mad at them about politics, or how they feel about politics. I'm mad that they feel they should shove it down my throat. I'm not posting about what an idiot your guy is, stop posting about mine! I know, I know! I'm not actually going to stop anyone from posting anything. And I could hide them or unfriend them, but the truth is I just don't want to. I want to go back to a time where wasting time on what I consider entertainment was just that - entertainment, fluff. But noooo - not now. Now I'm slapped in the face every time I turn on my computer by someone implying that I'm the idiot for having the opinion that I have.
So now the rant stops and the begging begins. Please, please, please friends - please stop. For the first time since I became addicted to FB, I'm considering not logging in. Now I know that some of you might think that's a good solution, but for me, it's sad. I love my computer - my email and FB. I don't want to give it up, not even for two months. Now I'm not saying that "liking" a candidate or party is bad, but please don't be so belligerent. Please don't be insulting and crude. Please be respectful and please, please, please - please, I beg you - please be the wonderful good-hearted people I hope you are!
I'm trying to sparkle - and I support this message!
(whew! I'm glad that rant's over)
Here's the deal (warning: run-on sentence about to begin) - if you would like to have a conversation about why you're voting for your guy and why I'm voting for my guy, about what issues are important to you vs. what issues are important to me, about why you think my guy's plan won't work and why you think your guy's plan will, about what my guy is doing right and what your guy is doing right, about where we could meet in the middle, about where your party is falling short and where mine is, about where our parties could support each other and discuss why it's so sad that they don't - then I'm all game. I don't pretend to know everything about every issue, but I know enough to be able to have a conversation with someone without insulting you to your face. I know enough to know that every blurb we hear about what an idiot either guy is, it's not the whole story. Both sides cut and paste better than a preschool teacher. Both sides say only the worst about the other and only the best about themselves. I don't care which candidate "supports this message" - it's never the whole story. This isn't new people, so please stop quoting these blurbs like they're Gospel.
I realize that I can't control what people post on FB and that my little rant here won't stop anyone from sending me political emails - but please, at least put something political in the subject line, so I know not to read it. I'm already tired of being mad at my friends about politics. However, as I typed that, I realize that I'm not mad at them about politics, or how they feel about politics. I'm mad that they feel they should shove it down my throat. I'm not posting about what an idiot your guy is, stop posting about mine! I know, I know! I'm not actually going to stop anyone from posting anything. And I could hide them or unfriend them, but the truth is I just don't want to. I want to go back to a time where wasting time on what I consider entertainment was just that - entertainment, fluff. But noooo - not now. Now I'm slapped in the face every time I turn on my computer by someone implying that I'm the idiot for having the opinion that I have.
So now the rant stops and the begging begins. Please, please, please friends - please stop. For the first time since I became addicted to FB, I'm considering not logging in. Now I know that some of you might think that's a good solution, but for me, it's sad. I love my computer - my email and FB. I don't want to give it up, not even for two months. Now I'm not saying that "liking" a candidate or party is bad, but please don't be so belligerent. Please don't be insulting and crude. Please be respectful and please, please, please - please, I beg you - please be the wonderful good-hearted people I hope you are!
I'm trying to sparkle - and I support this message!
(whew! I'm glad that rant's over)
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Summertime
Hiking, softball, gymnastics, swim lessons, birthday parties, voice over class, Las Vegas, Happiness meetings, Vacation Bible School, playdates, father/daughter dance, writing camp, Texas road trip, typing class, building a deck, landscaping a yard, doctors and dentists appointments, Donor Dash, golf clinic, vacation in Rhode Island, Diva Dash, Fall Fling planning, Relay for Life, climbing Mt. Bierstadt, school shopping, meet the teachers and the zoo! Add in visiting my dad in the hospital, rehab and extended care, giving him his IV meds when he was at home and working out.
That about sums it up!
That about sums it up!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Time for a Dazzling Poof
I've spent the past few days telling anyone who will listen to please pray for me on Saturday morning at 9:30am. That's when I'll begin the Diva Dash. "What is the Diva Dash?" you may ask. "It sounds fun, it sounds sassy!" Those are the exact thoughts that got me into this mess. The Diva Dash is a 5K obstacle course - climbing walls, swinging on ropes, jumping through tires, etc. - that my friends Michele and Stephanie talked me into. I was persuaded because I've been working out and I was feeling strong and capable. I was persuaded because they used the F word - Fun - and God forbid I miss out on any of that! I was persuaded because Stephanie has a way of talking me into anything. (Thank goodness she's not into drugs!)
From the moment I clicked confirm on the registration, I began dreading "this stupid Diva Dash"! What was I thinking? I've only been working out for two months. And although I'm proud of myself, when I say working out, I mean 20-40 minutes on the elliptical, or the rowing machine or the bike that you're sort of reclined in. No actual "training", no upper body work - was there a picture of a woman wading through waist deep water on the website? Again I ask - what was I thinking???
Well, I attended a meeting that Michele and Stephanie were at tonight. As we walked to our cars, working out carpooling and our name (Dazzling Divas), I started laying the ground work. "If I don't like an obstacle, I'm going around it!" "I am NOT going through water!" And so did they. "Oh, okay, Roxy." Stephanie says in her sweet melodic voice. "We'll see." says Michele with a smirk and a sideways glance. I got into my car still throwing out threats. "If I have to go through water, I won't be on this committee with you next year!" They both grin and wave.
I was only in my car a minute or two before the thought hit me. Of course this race is going to suck! I've been calling it "stupid" since I signed up. I've been telling everyone how scared I am and how nervous I am and "what was I thinking - I can't do this!"
Aha! Negative Poofing! As much as my mocking started as a joke, I have completely managed to freak myself out about "this stupid dash." Well I only have about 36 hours left, but it's time for a turnaround. It's time for a positive poof. No - it's time for a dazzling poof! So shall I begin again?
To anyone out there reading my blog: please pray for my friends and I on Saturday morning. We're doing the Diva Dash. It's a super fun obstacle 5k race. I'll admit, I'm a little intimidated - but I'm with two of my friends who I always laugh with. The three of us are going to be doing crazy fun things together for the next twelve years - at least! - and this is only the beginning. So please pray for a safe race, for facing our fears, stretching outside our comfort zones and side-splitting laughter.
And to Michele and Steph - thanks for "roping me in" again. I'm sure the memories we make on Saturday will be ones we cherish for a very long time to come. I can't wait!!!
From the moment I clicked confirm on the registration, I began dreading "this stupid Diva Dash"! What was I thinking? I've only been working out for two months. And although I'm proud of myself, when I say working out, I mean 20-40 minutes on the elliptical, or the rowing machine or the bike that you're sort of reclined in. No actual "training", no upper body work - was there a picture of a woman wading through waist deep water on the website? Again I ask - what was I thinking???
Well, I attended a meeting that Michele and Stephanie were at tonight. As we walked to our cars, working out carpooling and our name (Dazzling Divas), I started laying the ground work. "If I don't like an obstacle, I'm going around it!" "I am NOT going through water!" And so did they. "Oh, okay, Roxy." Stephanie says in her sweet melodic voice. "We'll see." says Michele with a smirk and a sideways glance. I got into my car still throwing out threats. "If I have to go through water, I won't be on this committee with you next year!" They both grin and wave.
I was only in my car a minute or two before the thought hit me. Of course this race is going to suck! I've been calling it "stupid" since I signed up. I've been telling everyone how scared I am and how nervous I am and "what was I thinking - I can't do this!"
Aha! Negative Poofing! As much as my mocking started as a joke, I have completely managed to freak myself out about "this stupid dash." Well I only have about 36 hours left, but it's time for a turnaround. It's time for a positive poof. No - it's time for a dazzling poof! So shall I begin again?
To anyone out there reading my blog: please pray for my friends and I on Saturday morning. We're doing the Diva Dash. It's a super fun obstacle 5k race. I'll admit, I'm a little intimidated - but I'm with two of my friends who I always laugh with. The three of us are going to be doing crazy fun things together for the next twelve years - at least! - and this is only the beginning. So please pray for a safe race, for facing our fears, stretching outside our comfort zones and side-splitting laughter.
And to Michele and Steph - thanks for "roping me in" again. I'm sure the memories we make on Saturday will be ones we cherish for a very long time to come. I can't wait!!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
My Dad's Smile
Well I am feeling great right now! And no, it's not the glass of wine I had. (Thanks again, Steph!) It's that this has been an amazing day!!! The last couple of weeks - and especially the last couple of days - have been up and down with a lot of stress. My dad has been in and out of the hospital with one thing after another. I am normally a pretty positive person - thanks mostly to The Secret and The Happiness Project - but even when you're positive about an outcome, sometimes the "going through it" part is difficult.
There are so many pieces that I try to fit together in these situations. First and foremost, I try to stay positive. Not just for myself, but for all involved. Next, I try to be supportive - doing whatever I can to make the people I love more comfortable. I try to be understanding. We're all stressed out - trying to keep our focus on my dad while trying to make sense out of how it effects each of us individually. Of course, we're all tightly wound in these circumstances, so when someone loses it, I try to not take it personally and forgive. In addition to all of that, I try to cut myself some slack when I fall short and figure out how to rejuvenate when I'm depleted.
Sometimes that's a tall order to fill. Today however, all of the pieces fit into place. Now I don't mean to diminish the stress of the situation. My dad did have surgery. There are always the possibilities of complications or things not working out the way we hope they will. So of course there was stress and worry. However, I kept my positive attitude. I was sure that he would come through the surgery and that it would be successful. It was! Emotionally, we all came together and made each other laugh and kept each other going through the "waiting, waiting, waiting" period. But today I lucked out. One of my friends blessed our family by bringing us breakfast and coffee (as well as lunch yesterday) so no worries about who was going to get which kind of food and when. No decisions had to be made. No one had to worry that while they were out getting food, the doctor might come - food was already there - woohoo!
She also blessed us with a beautiful prayer. It was not only touching, but it brought me back to being thankful for all that I have been blessed with already. I lucked out again in that no one went off the deep end today. I can't speak for anyone else, so maybe someone was on the edge. But outwardly, we all held it together and were able to keep each other laughing. I had a lovely dinner with the women of my family and I am thankful for each one of them. (Thanks for letting your mom stay out late, cuz!)
When we got the results of the surgery, it was mostly good news - only one small worry left - but my dad did great! The doctors - who I like to refer to as "the best of the best" and "Dr. Hottie" did a wonderful job and are very focused on the big picture - keeping my dad and his appendages in tact. I feel like he has the very best care he could get. The staff is great and we have not one complaint about them or the facility (knock on wood).
However --- all of this pales in comparison to one little thing - my dad's smile! When we first got to see him after the surgery, he was still pretty drugged and yet still in a bit of pain. No one likes to see someone they love in pain, so seeing him cringe at the cramp in his leg was unpleasant to say the least. It wasn't long before they started to get his pain managed and he started to wake up a bit. I understand that normally in these situations, most people take comfort in talking to their loved one or hearing a certain phrase or a certain tone in their voice. And of course all of that is good for me too. But here was the best part of my day.....
One of my sisters was sitting behind him, one was at his side and my mom and I were facing him. My sister sitting behind him made a comment and he responded to her. I immediately laughed out loud. Both of my sisters and my mom asked, "What did he say?" (he has a very loud vent in his room which makes it very difficult to hear him speak) And my answer was this, "I have no idea, but by the smile on his face, he thinks he's being funny!"
There are so many things I love about my dad. But I have to say that his desire to laugh is on the top of my list. It's the thing that gives me the most confidence that he's ok. Of course, he's not smiling or laughing all of the time. He's going through a lot, has been in a lot of pain and I know the worry gets to him. But he still wants to laugh. He still wants to make us laugh. And watching him smile as the four of "his girls" fought over who was his favorite and who got to give him the last kiss goodbye for the night was the best gift he could give me today.
With Father's Day being tomorrow, I can't imagine what I could possibly give him that's better than that. A new pair of slippers just won't cut it. So I guess when I visit him tomorrow, I'll do my best to give him what he still desires - a good laugh. And then we'll both get a gift - because if I'm successful, I'll get to see that smile!
There are so many pieces that I try to fit together in these situations. First and foremost, I try to stay positive. Not just for myself, but for all involved. Next, I try to be supportive - doing whatever I can to make the people I love more comfortable. I try to be understanding. We're all stressed out - trying to keep our focus on my dad while trying to make sense out of how it effects each of us individually. Of course, we're all tightly wound in these circumstances, so when someone loses it, I try to not take it personally and forgive. In addition to all of that, I try to cut myself some slack when I fall short and figure out how to rejuvenate when I'm depleted.
Sometimes that's a tall order to fill. Today however, all of the pieces fit into place. Now I don't mean to diminish the stress of the situation. My dad did have surgery. There are always the possibilities of complications or things not working out the way we hope they will. So of course there was stress and worry. However, I kept my positive attitude. I was sure that he would come through the surgery and that it would be successful. It was! Emotionally, we all came together and made each other laugh and kept each other going through the "waiting, waiting, waiting" period. But today I lucked out. One of my friends blessed our family by bringing us breakfast and coffee (as well as lunch yesterday) so no worries about who was going to get which kind of food and when. No decisions had to be made. No one had to worry that while they were out getting food, the doctor might come - food was already there - woohoo!
She also blessed us with a beautiful prayer. It was not only touching, but it brought me back to being thankful for all that I have been blessed with already. I lucked out again in that no one went off the deep end today. I can't speak for anyone else, so maybe someone was on the edge. But outwardly, we all held it together and were able to keep each other laughing. I had a lovely dinner with the women of my family and I am thankful for each one of them. (Thanks for letting your mom stay out late, cuz!)
When we got the results of the surgery, it was mostly good news - only one small worry left - but my dad did great! The doctors - who I like to refer to as "the best of the best" and "Dr. Hottie" did a wonderful job and are very focused on the big picture - keeping my dad and his appendages in tact. I feel like he has the very best care he could get. The staff is great and we have not one complaint about them or the facility (knock on wood).
However --- all of this pales in comparison to one little thing - my dad's smile! When we first got to see him after the surgery, he was still pretty drugged and yet still in a bit of pain. No one likes to see someone they love in pain, so seeing him cringe at the cramp in his leg was unpleasant to say the least. It wasn't long before they started to get his pain managed and he started to wake up a bit. I understand that normally in these situations, most people take comfort in talking to their loved one or hearing a certain phrase or a certain tone in their voice. And of course all of that is good for me too. But here was the best part of my day.....
One of my sisters was sitting behind him, one was at his side and my mom and I were facing him. My sister sitting behind him made a comment and he responded to her. I immediately laughed out loud. Both of my sisters and my mom asked, "What did he say?" (he has a very loud vent in his room which makes it very difficult to hear him speak) And my answer was this, "I have no idea, but by the smile on his face, he thinks he's being funny!"
There are so many things I love about my dad. But I have to say that his desire to laugh is on the top of my list. It's the thing that gives me the most confidence that he's ok. Of course, he's not smiling or laughing all of the time. He's going through a lot, has been in a lot of pain and I know the worry gets to him. But he still wants to laugh. He still wants to make us laugh. And watching him smile as the four of "his girls" fought over who was his favorite and who got to give him the last kiss goodbye for the night was the best gift he could give me today.
With Father's Day being tomorrow, I can't imagine what I could possibly give him that's better than that. A new pair of slippers just won't cut it. So I guess when I visit him tomorrow, I'll do my best to give him what he still desires - a good laugh. And then we'll both get a gift - because if I'm successful, I'll get to see that smile!
Friday, June 15, 2012
Distraction: Who Am I?
*Sigh!*
The last couple of weeks have been very up and down for me. My dad has been in and out of the hospital (currently in) and we've been very busy. I spent the day at the hospital and I will do the same tomorrow. There's definitely a part of me that wants to detail everything that's been going on with him, his health and his care. However; there's also a part of me that just wants to think about something else for a bit. So.....selfishness and my "it's all about me" attitude wins out and I'm going to blog about my personal little distraction.
Back to my Happiness Project! I realize that this is only my second post of the month, but I have scrapbooked (digitally) three or four times and I went on a hike on Tuesday. What I'm still so jazzed about is riding the success of last month! I've been to the gym four times this month - which doesn't sound super impressive compared to last month, but I was out of town for four days, so it's a little impressive. While I was out of town, I walked - a ton! - and I already mentioned my hike this week. So the exercise is still going well. But here's the amazing part.....
As I said, I was at the hospital all day today and I have to be back early in the morning. Here's the strange part: at some point today, I thought, "maybe I'll work out in the morning before I come back." So I checked the website and my gym doesn't open until 7:00am on Saturdays. Bummer - I have to be at the hospital by 8:00, so that won't work. Then I realized that it's open until 10:00 tonight. Here's the stranger part: I thought, "I could go when I get home tonight." Wait for it..... here's the strangest part: I actually went!!!
Who am I???
I am not that girl! You know - that girl that I make fun of and call a "freak" because she goes to the gym at 9 o'clock at night! Well, hold onto your hats, my friends, because apparently I am that girl. I got home, packed my gym bag and headed to the gym. And just to put the icing on the cake - I got to see one of my friends there - woohoo! I got in a workout, I soaked in the hot tub, took a shower and I feel great! Physically, my body is relaxed, my mind is clear and I'm focused. Mentally, I'm super proud - albeit surprised - that I went to the gym instead of plopping down in front of the TV.
Of course, my dad is still on my mind, but I feel like I've cleared my head and can think even more positively for him and be a better support for my mom. Someone should tell people about the positive effects of working out (haha). And just to brag a bit more ('cause I'm on a roll) I'm on day eight without soda! I was averaging about one every five days, but currently I'm at eight. My dad's hospital stay will be a good test of my soda craving since it's definitely a comfort food for me. But I didn't have one yesterday or today, so I'm feeling good about it. And even if I do - it's one soda and I'll start again. Again - who am I?
I'm a girl on a mission! And I only have nine minutes to get to bed only one hour late, so I'm done for tonight. Please send good thoughts and prayers my dad's way and hopefully soon I'll be able to give a good report from both of us!
The last couple of weeks have been very up and down for me. My dad has been in and out of the hospital (currently in) and we've been very busy. I spent the day at the hospital and I will do the same tomorrow. There's definitely a part of me that wants to detail everything that's been going on with him, his health and his care. However; there's also a part of me that just wants to think about something else for a bit. So.....selfishness and my "it's all about me" attitude wins out and I'm going to blog about my personal little distraction.
Back to my Happiness Project! I realize that this is only my second post of the month, but I have scrapbooked (digitally) three or four times and I went on a hike on Tuesday. What I'm still so jazzed about is riding the success of last month! I've been to the gym four times this month - which doesn't sound super impressive compared to last month, but I was out of town for four days, so it's a little impressive. While I was out of town, I walked - a ton! - and I already mentioned my hike this week. So the exercise is still going well. But here's the amazing part.....
As I said, I was at the hospital all day today and I have to be back early in the morning. Here's the strange part: at some point today, I thought, "maybe I'll work out in the morning before I come back." So I checked the website and my gym doesn't open until 7:00am on Saturdays. Bummer - I have to be at the hospital by 8:00, so that won't work. Then I realized that it's open until 10:00 tonight. Here's the stranger part: I thought, "I could go when I get home tonight." Wait for it..... here's the strangest part: I actually went!!!
Who am I???
I am not that girl! You know - that girl that I make fun of and call a "freak" because she goes to the gym at 9 o'clock at night! Well, hold onto your hats, my friends, because apparently I am that girl. I got home, packed my gym bag and headed to the gym. And just to put the icing on the cake - I got to see one of my friends there - woohoo! I got in a workout, I soaked in the hot tub, took a shower and I feel great! Physically, my body is relaxed, my mind is clear and I'm focused. Mentally, I'm super proud - albeit surprised - that I went to the gym instead of plopping down in front of the TV.
Of course, my dad is still on my mind, but I feel like I've cleared my head and can think even more positively for him and be a better support for my mom. Someone should tell people about the positive effects of working out (haha). And just to brag a bit more ('cause I'm on a roll) I'm on day eight without soda! I was averaging about one every five days, but currently I'm at eight. My dad's hospital stay will be a good test of my soda craving since it's definitely a comfort food for me. But I didn't have one yesterday or today, so I'm feeling good about it. And even if I do - it's one soda and I'll start again. Again - who am I?
I'm a girl on a mission! And I only have nine minutes to get to bed only one hour late, so I'm done for tonight. Please send good thoughts and prayers my dad's way and hopefully soon I'll be able to give a good report from both of us!
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