Time to get a move on....Deadlines and Games

I'm always amazed when I'm surprised that I'm doing the same thing I've always done.  I know that doesn't make sense, but there's just no other way to word it.  Here's what I mean.  Since I've recovered from my surgery, I've been working on getting the house straightened up, cleaning, projects, etc.  I've been trying to implement routines and figure out how to make that all fit along with spring break.  I've been making some progress.  Some things have gotten completed.  Some things have gotten only partially completed.  Still, partial is better than not at all, so I've been feeling pretty good about it.  Last night a beautiful thing happened - I got a deadline!  Woo-Hoo!!!  I get so much done if I have a deadline.  I love it!  Just knowing that there's a certain time that things have to come together gives me peace.  (sigh)

I've been working on spiffing up my house for a while now and I just got confirmation that the painters are coming next week.  (I have done a lot of painting myself, but the rooms with vaulted ceilings are not working for me.)  I'm not quite sure which day they're coming, but definitely next week.  As I fell asleep last night, I had it all worked out in my head as to what I'm going to do first, what I need to get done by 2:00 (stop to attend baby shower) and what I'm going to accomplish tonight.  Then I woke up this morning.  And herein lies the beauty of me.

I fed the animals and then got online to check my email and of course, Facebook.  It was there that I saw that one of my friends discovered a new game.  After several disappointing games of Mahjong, I decided to try her new game, Word Chaos.  First, I should probably tell you that I LOVE word games.  I'm sure you see where this is going.  I spent the next hour and a half playing this fabulous game.  I don't know if I want to hug Mary or hurt her.  As I painfully closed down Facebook to look at my list, I thought, "What am I doing?  I have so many things to get done and I'm playing computer games?  Really?"  And then came the first paragraph of my blog.  Of course I'm playing games, because as fabulous as deadlines are, I don't have a specific one yet.  And I couldn't possibly be done with my tasks a moment too soon.  So here I am, wasting the morning away until hunger gets the best of me and I need to eat lunch.  If I'm lucky, I'll get dressed in time to run a few errands before the baby shower - you know, like get a card and what not?

You see?  I'm amazed that I played the morning away.  Then I'm amazed that I'm shocked by that.  I know me better than that.  So here's the good news - I will get everything done that I need to do before the painters get here.  And by the time they leave I will feel super accomplished AND the entire main level of my house will look awesome!!!  So who can argue with that?  Sometimes you need to make changes in who you are or the way you do things.  And sometimes you just need to embrace the person that you are and realize that it'll all work out the way it's supposed to....maybe I just needed a relaxing morning....and food.  Yes, it's definitely lunch time.

Four and a half hours!!!

I decided that I should paint my kitchen this weekend.  I'm hiring painters to do the foyer, upstairs hallway, downstairs hallway and the family room.  I wanted to get the kitchen done before I have them come so they can do the corners well.  I have rounded corners on all of my walls - and I'm not a fan.  The make it really difficult to have a nice clean break from one room to the next - at least they do if you're not a pro.  Hence me wanting them to do the corners. 

I texted my friend, Val to see if she wanted to come help me.  Thank goodness she said yes!  She had plans yesterday, so I had a laid back day and didn't even leave the house.  I'm glad I rested up because today was super busy.  I was up at 5:00 (I didn't even know we had one of those in the morning!), gathered all of my painting supplies, cleared off all of the counter tops, cleaned the kitchen (I did wash the walls yesterday - from all of the dog gunk.) and ran to Walmart to buy a gift for a birthday party - all before 8:00am.  After church I swept the kitchen and dog-proofed the family room.  After a quick bite to eat, Val and I started around 1:00.

The walls are super thirsty and there was so much detail work and small spaces - not too many big roller areas.  I panicked at 4:15 when Val said she had to be home by 6:00 - yikes!!!  But don't underestimate us!  We kicked it into high gear and finished promptly at 5:30.  Kitchen complete!  Woo-hoo!!!  And I LOVE it!!!  I was going for yellow and it's a bit more orange than I had planned, but I love it anyway.  It's not as orange as my office is, but not quite yellow.  Now I can't wait to get the rest of the house done.  I guess I had better start thinking about my bedroom.  After the painters do all of the super tall walls, my bedroom is all that's left.  Hmmmm.....

ps - Val - thanks again!!!  You sparkle!!!!

Decisions, Decisions

I have a million things to do.  I know everyone does, but my list never seems to get any shorter - I just keep adding to it.  One of my best friends would tell you that "it's all about scheduling".  Whenever we have one of those "how am I going to get my life in order" conversations (and trust me, there have been many), the answer is always, "it's all about scheduling".  Having been a stay at home mom for the past seven years, one of the beauties (in my eyes) is that there's no time clock.  I could vacuum at 8:00am or 3:00pm, we could go for a walk right before lunch or right before bed - it doesn't matter.  Here's the problem with someone like me - no schedule - nothing gets done.  Well, that's not entirely true.  If I found out that next week, I was having house guests, I could pull it all together.  But if there's no deadline, no "have to have it done by" date, the items on my list just linger there.  Most people have items on a list - they get on the list and then they get off of the list.  My items get on the list and decide that they like it there - they build a house, decorate it, meet the neighbors and have a bar-b-q. 

So this last week I came up with a new plan that I'm going to implement today - let me correct that...the plan is new to me - I'm sure someone else has already thought this up, made it work, written a self help book and made millions.  Today, instead of trying to complete a huge project (for which there are many), I am going to just go through my list in 15 minute increments.  Every 15 minutes, I'm moving on to a new task.  Now, I realize that some of these "projects" I have aren't going to get done today - but let's be honest, we all knew that when we woke up this morning.  The hope is that I will at least cross off some of the smaller tasks and make progress on the bigger ones.  The bigger hope is that if I make progress on the bigger tasks, I will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which will indeed motivate me to complete said projects.

I think this new plan will help my ADD brain since I won't have to focus on one thing for too terribly long.  Plus, I won't get too frustrated if something isn't coming together and just give up on my day - or spend the entire day trying to figure out why it isn't coming together.  I'll just move onto the new task.  I've been battling the way my brain works every time I try to accomplish something.  Today, I'm going to embrace it and see what the results take me.

I would love to expand on this idea.  As you all know, I love to talk something to death.  Unfortunately, my 15 minutes are up.

Ouch!

The good news is that the "ouch" is not from my hike yesterday.  The bad news is that I have a pain in my neck that I just can't quite get rid of.  It started a couple of days ago and got worse after I decided to stretch it out by laying with my head slightly hanging over the bed.  If felt ok during the hike yesterday, but just got worse as the day wore on.  I went to get a massage last night and he worked on my neck/shoulders for an hour and a half and it's still not gone!!!  Ugh!  It is better, but still - ouch!

Having gotten that off of my chest - YAY! - I survived the hike.  We went to Sanitas Valley.  It wasn't a really difficult hike, but holy cow! - it sure felt it to me.  I am sooooo out of shape!  That's one of the reasons I want to do this.  I don't need to be that person that seemingly sprints up a mountain, but I should be able to do a simple hike without stopping a million times and wheezing non-stop. 

Ok, ok - I might be exaggerating a tiny bit - but still - not good.  It probably wasn't the best idea for our first day, but just like Emily said I would be, I was so proud of myself when I made it back to the car.  I wasn't in too much pain today but I took it easy.  My goal is to do some sort of work out every day, but I think every other day for week one is probably ok.  So tomorrow we go on a five mile walk through our neighborhood.  The easy part - mostly flat, difficult part - five miles.  We'll both have our youngest daughters with us (4 & 5 years old) so that will be good and bad.  We're hoping to be able to bribe them to sit in strollers so we don't have to go too slow or stop every few feet.  The good news is that we're getting them out in the fresh air, enjoying Colorado.

That's one of the other reasons I want to do this.  I'm a native for goodness sakes!  We live in such a beautiful place, we should take advantage of the beauty surrounding us.  Plus I want my girls to be moving outside, not just glued to the TV.  Next week should be interesting since we'll have all four of our girls because it's spring break.  So our goal will be to find a way to bring our girls alongside us without making it a leisurely stroll.  Ahhh - the joyful compromising of parenting!

Wish Me Luck!

Tomorrow I embark on a new journey. 

My friend, Emily and I are going to start training to climb a 14er.  Our goal is for the end of June/beginning of July.  Yikes!!!  I have been saying for years that I want to climb a 14er, but hadn't found anyone to drag up there with me.  Trust me, I've tried!  You see, I'm that person that would do just about anything as long as I have a side-kick.  (or even if I AM the side-kick)  I'm just not that motivated to be the person who will just go off on my own - especially something like that.  I mean, what if I get lost or something bad happens?  I'm not cutting off my own arm - I'm just not that girl.  Don't get me wrong - I totally admire that guy for doing what he had to do to stay alive, but I can't work out peeing in the woods without having pee stains somewhere on the knees of my pants.  Thank goodness I've found Emily!  Not only is she a totally fun person to hang out with, we share the same birthday.  She didn't just agree to do this with me - she's excited about it (she wants to climb them all) and she's a nurse!  So if I were to need medical assistance - I'm covered.  If I were her, I'd be a bit worried - but I assured her that as long as she's coherent enough to tell me what I need to do, we'll be ok.  Did I mention that she also has a good sense of humor?

Not only did she think this was a good idea - she's actually made a plan.  Imagine that!  So tomorrow we start.  Apparantly there's a great trail somewhere not too far from Isabelle's school in Boulder.  I should have remembered the name, but that didn't work out for me - I'll get back to you.  I was too focused on how out of shape I am and the fact that since she's quite a bit taller than I am, her stride is longer and ..... was this really my idea? 

I've forewarned her that there will be times that I will not like her.  There will be times when I'm going to tell here that I don't want to do it.  Her job at these times will be to say, "So I'll see you Wednesday?"  I hope she's up to the task because I know that if I don't quit - and if she won't let me when I want to - I'm totally going to thank her when this is all over.  And then, I guess, we'll have to pick which one to do next.

Fear is a BAD Thing!!!

I had dinner with a good friend last night.  It was one of those "I need to talk out all of the problems of my life" dinners.  I would never betray her confidence by writing all of the details - or any of the details, for that matter.  I'm just happy to say that I'm glad I could be there for my friend (as she has always been there for me).  I'm also happy to say that even though some of these kinds of conversations are difficult, I'm always glad I've had them.  I always feel better after "thinking through" something, getting someone else's take on it.  To be the therapist (intentionally or otherwise) and help someone reach an a-ha moment or think of something in a different light or with a different purpose is always rewarding.  Of course, selfishly, I love it when I'M the one who has the a-ha moment.  Or even when you think you're talking about them, but then realize how the very same topic relates to your own life.  What I love even more is when you can see a common thread woven through their life and yours - and maybe even in other areas of your life.

That's what I realized had happened this morning - in more than one way.

Recently, I had an a-ha moment.....about fear.  It was actually about this blog.  After my friend helped me set it up and I spent the rest of the night writing my All About Me page, I was lying in bed wondering, "Is this stupid?  Is anything really going to come of writing a blog?  Is anyone going to care?  What if no one reads it?  What if I write something about my family or a friend and they get mad at me?  I'm not sure this was such a good idea."  That was the thought I fell asleep to.

The next morning when I woke up, I found myself thinking about hanging pictures on walls.  Two decades ago, if I wanted a picture hung on a wall, I just hung it up.  It's not rocket science - nail, hammer, picture - done.  Well, Mike's not exactly handy, and the first time I tried to hang up a shade, he came unglued.  "You can't just hang it.  We don't know what we're doing.  We have to call our handy friend.  He knows what he's doing!"  I thought he was overreacting a bit, but he was so worked up about it, I waited.  Fast forward fifteen years and I'm terrified to put a nail in a wall.  It's funny to hear my "handy friend's" reaction when I say, "I'll have to find someone to help me hang that."  She gets her "you poor dear" voice on and gently says, "You know, you can hang a picture if you want to."  "I can, can't I?"  (a-ha!)

I know it doesn't seem like these two things would be related, but they are.  It's not being afraid of the big things that lead you to live a fearful life, it's being afraid of the little things.  Picture after picture, I "waited" for someone else to come hang it up - even when there was a hammer in the house and I knew where the nails were.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  Never even trying.  As soon as I realize that the reason I'm thinking about hanging pictures is because I'm really thinking about fear, I connect the dots.  So what if no one reads my blog?  So what if nothing comes of it?  I'm still writing - which is what I want to do.  I may not be doing it "properly".  I may not use perfect sentence structure or perfect grammar.  I'm sure I start too many sentences with "and" and "but".  But, (haha) what if something does come of it.  What if I get brave enough to explore other writing opportunities.  What if this is what I can show someone and even if they tell me I did it all wrong - wouldn't that be a learning experience?  Wouldn't that teach me what not to do?  And, (haha again) what if I were actually doing something right?  What if on a random day something I write here leads to an awesome opportunity?  To be honest, if something I write does so little as to touch someone else's life, help them reach an a-ha moment, make them laugh or even just bring a smile to their face, then it was worth it - worth the emotional risk.

What if I had let fear paralyze me?  Because that's what fear does.  It makes you doubt yourself.  "What if I fail?"  Well, if we never fail, haven't we missed opportunities to learn?  Again, nothing may ever come of this, but at least I will know that I tried it - and I will have no regrets. 

Now to tie this all together.  Last night with my friend, there was a lot of talk about fear as well.  Again, I won't share the details, but I did have several moments when I found it amazing that I had just recently had my fear a-ha moment, and now I was talking about it with her.  Furthermore, this morning I was in a meeting and the speaker was talking about how wearing a wet suit made her a more confident water skier.  She likened it to a super hero's super suit.  Hmm...when you have confidence, you don't really let fear seep in.  Your "super suit" keeps fear out.  There's that thread again - reinforcing that my a-ha moment wasn't a fluke.  It was something I was supposed to learn.  And because God is thorough, I'm getting it from many different angles.  Ok, ok - I get it.  Fear is a bad thing.  And the last thing I want to do is to let my life be ruled by it.

This is indeed a year of change for me, so I had better add this to my list.  Recognize when fear is what's stopping me, look it in the face and no matter how scary it is - conquer it!

I'm a Gilmore!

I love the Gilmore Girls.  I started watching the show in reruns about four years in and I just love them.  It's probably because eventually I want to be BFFs with my girls (after they've grown a bit of course - they need BFFs their own age and what they need from me now is to be a mom, not a "friend" - oops, wait - that's an entirely different post) .... anyhoo ..... I also love the quick wit, savvy and how they know who they are as women even as they're trying to find their way through life.  I love the small town - the festivals, everyone eating at Luke's Diner, walking instead of driving, everyone knows everyone - love it.  Although, when it comes down to it, I'm not sure I could actually live in a small town.  I do enjoy the perks of a mall and living near a major city.  So maybe I just need to visit the small town. 

Well if you watch the show, you know three things about the Gilmore girls: 1- they can eat a ton of food (love pop tarts) and are still stick figures, 2- they watch way too many movies and way too much TV...and they can quote most of it - and 3- they love their coffee!  So I've got number 2 down.  I'm a bit behind on the movies since having my kids, but now that they're not babies anymore and I'm not completely exhausted, I'm catching up.  When I do like a movie or TV show, I watch it over and over again, so I can quote it.  As a matter of fact, I can quote quite a bit of the Gilmores.  "Oy with the poodles already!" 

I can and sometimes do eat a ton of food - unfortunately, I don't have their metabolism, so I'm not a stick figure.  But here's the thing - I have NEVER liked coffee!  I love the smell of it - it reminds me of the rare weekend when I was home with my parents and the smell of my dad's coffee would wake me up on a Saturday morning.  (sigh)  Ahhh!  But I have never liked the taste.

The other thing going on at the time that I began to like GG is that the coffee thing had totally taken off.  Starbucks run amok.  All of my friends were meeting for coffee and I would get....a water.  Wow - how cool am I?  Of course I tried a few times, but nothing!  Well - luckily for me, I was on a retreat with some friends and one of them was talking about how it took her such a long time to find a coffee drink that she liked.  My other friend did a Starbucks run and I tasted the drink of friend number one.  Yum!  FINALLY!!!  I have found my coffee drink!!!  I'm cool again!  (or at least I feel like I am)  Yay...yay...yay!!!

Friend number two warned me - this isn't necessarily a good thing.  At five bucks a pop, she doesn't think I'm going to be thanking her anytime soon.  But I am.  Just yesterday, I was at Safeway with my kiddos and they needed to use the restroom.  While I was waiting for them (just staring at Starbucks) I decided to get my caramel macchiato with double vanilla.  And I have to admit, I felt cooler just grocery shopping.  Like a Gilmore walking through the streets of Stars Hollow carrying their cool coffee drinks.  Now, was I any cooler?  Unfortunately, no.  As a matter of fact I was probably less cool since I made such a big deal about it in my head.  However, I felt cooler!  And since I believe that how you feel about yourself affects your confidence level, your efficiency level, your kindness towards others and your attitude - feeling cooler is definitely a good thing.  And if you can buy that for under five bucks - you're golden!

In honoring friend number two and her thoughtful, caring advice to me, I am not allowing myself to have my coffee cool on every day.  One to three times a week - max.  And I'm happy to report that for the last two months I mostly stick to once a week.  But it is nice to know that I'm not stuck with water when the rest of the world is ordering a cool drink at Starbucks.

Coincedences, bad dreams & random thoughts

I'm at my suite retreat in the tech center today.  I came last night, but none of my roommates did.  So it's been a weird experience - being on retreat by myself.  My first freak out came when I realized that the plan was to have my sister bring me here and drop me off (which we did).  The problem is that I didn't think through that I don't have a car - duh.  Normally on a retreat, that's no big deal - I never leave the hotel.  Oops - my mom normally brings our food and she's not here.  Hello?  Dinner?  Party of one?  Well, one of my friends was supposed to come hang out with me, but that fell through.  No problem - I'll find some of the other consultants and crash their dinner plans. 

So that was the plan - but instead, I hooked up with two of my customers.  The only problem - I hardly know them.  One is a gal I know through my MOPS group - barely - and this is the first time I'm meeting the other.  Anyway, they were kind and helped me set up my room and then let me crash their dinner.  We went to Hacienda Colorado (where I had dinner from the night before - haha), but that's ok - love it!  Here's the fun part - I got to ride in a slug-bug!  My girls are going to be so jealous!!!  AND....come to find out that this new gal's daughter helped teach my girls at Bible school this summer.  Erica LOVED her.  So - what a coincedence!  (and I learned all about cotillions - my kids are gonna love this - well, Erica is)  Now, I'm glad that I'm here alone - otherwise, I would've never made these connections.  Hmmm.....so this "stepping out of your comfort zone" thing is good?

Bedtime - or at least it should've been.  But, NO, not me.  I still had to price my inventory and put the goody bags together.  I love me some procrastination!  So I was up until midnight and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.  But I woke up this morning because I had a dream that there was a guy in my house.  I was the only one home and he just walked in saying he wanted to "see the house".  Then he almost punched me, but didn't.  He had a friend in the back yard and he just walked around the house while I was paralyzed with fear.  This isn't overly important (obviously) but it's a very startling way to wake up and it's already put me in a funk this morning.

So at this point, I'm sulking again that I'm here all alone - thinking about how it's a metaphor for my life - and what pops into my head is "I'm sittin' by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere".  It's a song that Andie McDowell sings in the movie Michael.  (btw - love that movie!!!)  I sang the song to myself and the line that stuck with me is "One of these days, I'm gonna find true love - and learn how to say no".  Well, of course that made me think of the reasons that she wrote that song in the movie, but it also took me on a trip down memory lane.  I thought of the guys I dated before I married Mike and the fact that most of them were idiots.  I think there was only one other guy that ever really meant anything to me.  And yet, I dated them all - never "saying no".

So, maybe this whole "being alone" thing isn't so bad.  Maybe it's where I need to be to be able to figure out what's important and what I want and what I need.  And maybe if everything always worked out (my roomies here every minute that I am, etc.) I would never have these quiet moments to question: how am I going to handle it when a question is posed to me again - love or otherwise?  Will I say yes, just because that's been the pattern of my life?  Or is there a chance - just a chance - that the reason I say yes is because it's what I want and not just because I'm afraid of saying no?

I'm a blogger!

Tonight my friend, Kerry came over to scrapbook.  During dinner it came up that I would like to write (I wasn't specific about what), and now here I am - blogging - who knew?

I have a scrapbooking retreat that starts tomorrow.  I'm not packed - my clothes, my inventory or my personal supplies and I don't have any more pages prepared than when she showed up.  Let me tell you what I do have....I have a blog.....and a new skype account.....and a new website to help me budget.....and a million ideas running through my head.  (and there was that funny cartoon about flying cars?)  And in Roxeann - lala - land, the thought is that I should probably give myself a pedicure before I go to bed.  But it is the new year (oops - is it March already?), and I did have emergency surgery just a few weeks ago and I promised myself that I would do my best to try to take better care of myself - meaning I should get more than two hours worth of sleep.  So this first post isn't going to be anything too long or too spectacular.  But that's the beauty of firsts.  It's special just because it is.

ps - Kerry - we're not in Mexico!