Do You Follow Your Instincts?

So the other night, I'm reading through my journal - from not that long ago - and I had written that I follow my instincts.  I got caught on that sentence for a while.  It occurred to me that I haven't been.  As a matter of fact, I tend to fight against my instincts.  Why is that?  Well, luckily I managed to distract myself before I had to think too deeply about it.  However, these things don't seem to keep their distance for too long.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, trying to build up and reaffirm that the goal is completely attainable.  I believe the exact words that were spoken were, "I just want to prove to everyone that this will work."  My response was, "Of course it will!"  But why didn't my friend know that?  It wasn't until later last night when I was replaying the conversation in my head that it hit me.  (And unfortunately, I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know here.)  It's because we've been knocked down one too many times.  We've heard over and over, "That's not gonna work."  "You can't do that."  Or worse...we haven't been told...we've been asked,  "What about all of these obstacles?"  "How are you going to manage...?"  And the ever evil...."What if you fail?  What if...?  What if...?  What if...?" 

Sometimes those questions are worse than the "you can't" statements.  Most of us have an "I'll prove you wrong!" alter ego that pops up whenever we're challenged.  It's the questions though, that hit us the hardest - because they're left hanging there.  And whether we answer them on the spot or in the quiet darkness as we drift off to sleep at night, the multiple possibilities all manage to rear their ugly heads.  I say ugly because hardly ever do we just say, "I won't fail."  "I'll overcome the obstacles."  "I'll manage just fine."  And even if we do, those ugly possibilities still manage to seep in somewhere just present enough to scare us into not trying.

Now maybe all of those what ifs wouldn't make such an impact if we had never been knocked down.  But we all, have indeed, been knocked down a time or two.  And for some reason, those are the times we tend to focus on.  I'm just as guilty as the next guy.  However, here's what I've learned - every one of my so called failures have taught me a valuable lesson.  I have grown from each and every one.  So how can they be failures?  All they really do is help us to know better next time.

So I stopped thinking about my friend and started thinking about my own resistance against my instincts.  Personally, my demons don't tell me that I'm going to fail.  They know that I believe what I just wrote - failures are lessons, therefore they have very little negative power over me.  They tell me that my instincts don't make any sense.  I'm crazy to think this is going to work. 

Ok - so maybe I have some emotional work to do there, but here's what I know...

When I fight my instincts, I'm tense and twitchy, I feel that knot in the pit of my stomach.  I'm worried about what other people will think or say, so I try to do "what is right." Do what they would do.  When I follow my instincts, my shoulders relax.  I don't crave M&Ms and soda.  There's a comfort I feel in my skin - like my favorite pair of jeans.  And I smile.  A lot.  I'm excited and I feel it's exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Not to sound too cheesy, but a quote from the movie Titanic comes to mind: "It doesn't make any sense.  That's why I trust it."

I continually work on "being the person I want to be."  And I definitely believe that you have to work at it if you want to make positive changes in your life.  But I also believe that there are certain things about me that I should never forget; never let anyone make me doubt or change.  One of those things is that I don't always need to make sense.  "I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, moment to moment, day to day.  That's me."  (Pretty Woman - clearly it's a movie quote type of night.)  I don't always research, I don't always plan or schedule and for good or for bad - I don't always think.  And I have a pretty incredible life.  And THE most incredible things in it are because I trusted my instincts.  So maybe, just maybe I should trust them now.  Maybe it's time for a little experiment. 

It's time to stop fighting and start trusting myself.  It's time to be willing to risk big for the sake of pure joy.  It's time to invite people along on my journey and join them on theirs.  It's time to not just work on transforming the things I don't like about myself , but to also embrace the things that I do like about myself.  It's time to stop "figuring out" what I'm going to do with my life and start "feeling into" my divine assignment.

And if I get knocked down?

I have faith that someone will help me up. 
And then it'll be time to go again. 
As my eleven year old would say, "Yay me!"

Believing the Best in People

Believe the best in people.  It seems like a logical thing to do.  Depending on who you're talking to, of course.  I want to say that I've always done this and the truth is that I've done it long enough now, that I honestly don't remember not doing it.  However, I know there was a person inside me before my quest for happiness began and I'm pretty sure she wasn't always so focused on the good.

So in my day to day life, I have ideas for blog posts all the time.  Since I can't stop and write in those moments, I make myself a note...like "believing the best in people."  I like that I do this because not only does it bring me back to an idea that I might have otherwise forgotten, but it also ties together recurring themes in my life.  Things that come at me at different times, in different forums, from different sources.  It's also nice since I'm sort of the word police and some word choices are better than others.  For example: my latest term for "believing the best in people" is "focus on intent."

I say this to my older daughter a lot when my younger daughter is driving her crazy.  "Do you really think your sister made a mess in your room just to annoy you?  Or do you think that maybe she was playing with a bunch of toys, then got distracted by something else and didn't clean up?"  Sure there are times when her answer is, "Just to annoy me!"  But after a bit of a discussion (and maybe some questioning of the little sister) she comes around.

I say this to my friends when they're frustrated with their kids - "Do you think their intent is to make you angry by not doing their chores, or that they're just focused on what they want to do and chores are on the bottom of their list?"  When they're frustrated with their husbands or boyfriends - "Do you think his intent was was to scare you by not calling you all day, hoping you'd toggle back and forth between anger and worry, or do you think he got busy at work?"  When they're frustrated with their bosses and co-workers - "Do you think their intent was to make you feel incompetent or could it have been a new motivational technique they're trying?" And when they're frustrated with their friends - "Do you think her intent was really to convey that she thinks your issues are stupid or maybe she was so distracted with her surroundings that she didn't even fully hear you?"

I like asking these kinds of questions, because nine times out of ten the intent is not to hurt or upset or annoy.  Of course, when you're hurt, hearing these questions don't really make you feel better.  Most of the time, when you're sharing about hurt feelings, you really just want someone else to validate your feelings.  And trust me - I'm all for that!  However, if you just stop there, it's way too easy to slip into "I'm right, they're wrong" and that's a slippery slope.  Plus if you're the one who has hurt someone else without intending to, wouldn't you like them to cut you some slack?

Now back to the exact wording - I have been "focusing on intent" more, but I realize that's not completely ideal.  First of all, you can't truly know someone's intent.  You're not in their head.  Yes, you can ask them directly, but if you're too hurt (or they're embarrassed or have been hurt by you) you may or may not believe their answer.  So I'm going back to my original intent - believe the best in people!  You know your friends, your family, your spouse, your co-workers - are their actions or words that hurt you in line with the people you know them to be?  I know what you're going to say and yes, sometimes this can come back to bite me, because sometimes we do have some not-so-nice people in our lives.  Sometimes you can't think of anything thoughtful coming from a specific someone.  But that's good to know too - because then you can start to deal with acceptance and how to deal with the unpleasant people that you can't change.  (But that's a whole different post!)

But most of us have some pretty awesome people in our lives.  And all of those people have bad days.  All of us make poor choices sometimes.  All of us have said or done something that we meant one way and someone took in a different way.  So the problem with intent is that sometimes they did mean to say or do that - they just thought it would have a different effect.  They didn't intend to hurt you, but they did intend it.  My advice (as always) is to talk to them about it.  I know that no one likes confrontation - especially when you've been hurt.  We immediately think that it will cause a fight, or hurt their feelings, or what if you're wrong and they didn't mean it?

Well it may cause a fight.  My opinion is that it's worth it.  I realize that not everyone agrees with me.  A lot (a LOT) of people I know would rather saw off their own arm before confronting someone, but letting that resentment fester is a bad, bad thing - trust me!!!  And I think it's even worse if they didn't mean to hurt you, because if they think they were just being funny or it was no big deal, they might do it again - and again - and again.  It's important to let people know what your boundaries are.  You might hurt their feelings.  Just check in and tell them what your intent is.  And if you're wrong and they didn't mean it?  Well now you both know the intent and the effect of those actions. 

Here's what I know - I've said or done things that have hurt people and I have rarely, rarely meant to hurt anyone.  I tend to think that I'm a pretty open person and that my personality and intentions are no secret to anyone.  Therefore, if I've done something stupid, those close to me (and even some of those who aren't) should know that.  And if I'm honest, I know that those same people wouldn't hurt me.  So I choose to believe the best in people.  It not only keeps our relationships strong.  It not only blesses them by having us believe in their goodness, it blesses us by being positive and focusing on happiness. 

Focus on happiness - see the good in people - choose joy!!!

Age Defiant, Confident Women

Last night I saw Cyndi Lauper and Cher in concert.  Seeing Cher in concert is one of the things on my bucket list, because you know she puts on a good show and there are just certain people you should see in concert in your lifetime.  Being a child of the 80's, Cyndi Lauper was the icing on the cake.  I was amazingly excited to be there - even though my seats were in the second to last row in the upper deck.  I knew I was experiencing something really cool and I wanted to drink in every minute of it.

They didn't disappoint!  Cyndi's flaming red hair and little girl voice giving life lessons between songs; Cher's tell it like it is attitude, amazing costumes and elaborate theatrics were everything I had expected and then some.  There were however, two things that struck a chord with me that I hadn't expected. 

The first was their age.  At 60 and 68 (yes, Cher is 68 - not that her plastic surgeon knows that) these two have still got it!  Ok, yes - if you watched the "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" video so many times that you have the dance moves memorized, Cyndi's moves aren't quite as exaggerated as they used to be.  But as she rolled around on stage, I was mesmerized.  I watched her, thinking, she just moves to the music as she sees fit.  How cool is that?  It just looks like if she wants to dance, she dances.  I took that attitude to heart when she started to sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.  Since I was soooo far away, most of the people in my section were bobbing their heads while they stayed in their seats.  I thought about the fact that if I stand up to dance, I'll be blocking the view of the people behind me.  I'll feel weird being the only one dancing.  Then I thought, I want to dance!  How do you NOT dance to this song???  So I did.  I was indeed the only one dancing in the immediate area and at first it did feel weird - then it didn't.  It was great!

I lost track of how many costume changes Cher had, but they were all amazing, most of them sparkled, all were sexy and she rocked every one of them! (including her Believe costume from the 90's)  She not only danced with the other dancers on stage, she did it in a headdress!  And when I realized that through her second to last costume, you could see the sparkling pasties she had covering her nipples, I thought man, she's got guts!  I wanna show off my boobs when I'm 68.  Ok, I really don't.  But I didn't show off my boobs when I was younger either.  What struck me is that both of these women are doing what they've always done.  They haven't let age slow them down or change the way they do things.  That's what I was impressed with.

If I'm honest with you, I don't really think that 60 or even 68 is "old."  What I do believe is that a lot of people use those numbers (or sometimes even smaller numbers) as excuses.  That's what I want to avoid.  If at some point, I physically can't do something, then I can't.  I understand that sometimes happens.  I also understand that physical setbacks aren't always related to age.  If they were, then every old person would have the same setbacks.  Is it lifestyle that makes a difference?  Attitude?  Good genes?  Probably all of the above to some degree.  My point is this: I love that Cher came out on that stage, told us that she was going to change costumes, sing and be fabulous - and then she did!

The second thing that struck me was their confidence.  Obviously, if you're a rock star, you have a level of confidence that not everyone possesses.  But it was more than that.  It wasn't just the confidence in their performances or the production.  They were comfortable in their skins.  You couldn't put two more different people on the stage.  Yet they respected each other and stood strong within themselves.  This was the most amazing thing to witness.  I'm sure it's because I've been on this journey of mine for the past few years and in the last year or so, I've been very focused on my identity.  It was like I had been fumbling around in the dark and all of a sudden, I could see the light.  Now, I'm not saying that twenty years from now, I'm gonna whip my boobs out or dye my hair bright red, but I stared at them and thought - this is the goal!  You travel these journeys and you dig deep to figure out the truth of who you are so that you don't hide.  You don't question yourself.  You don't stay sitting down when you want to dance. 

Hopefully it's not going to take me until I'm 68 to get there.  As a matter of fact, just today I had a moment in a confrontation with someone where I could actually feel the confidence coming off of me.  So the pieces of myself that I like are already well on their way.  It's those pieces that I'm still working on, still figuring out, that are going to take some time for the confidence to swell.

Lucky for me that I tend to see things that not everyone sees.  You know, like seeing age defiance and confidence, when others only see bright red hair and glittery pasties.

The Backyardigans

I miss the Backyardigans.  There, I said it.  I do.  I miss the Backyardigans.  For those of you who haven't had small children recently, you might be asking, "The Back-yard-a-who-igans?"  And that is a very valid question.  The Backyardigans is a TV show about five friends who imagine their back yards into amazing adventures.  There are always fun songs they sing and usually some sort of good moral message.  Both of my daughters LOVED the Backyardigans and so did I.

Something happened the other day that reminded me of one of the episodes and I shared my trip down memory lane with the girls.  My ten year old responded that it reminded her of a different episode.  When I asked which one, she immediately started describing it in great detail.  Not an unusual occurrence except that I don't remember that episode.  What???  Can it be that since they don't watch the DVDs constantly over and over again, that there's an episode that I've missed? 

Now in the grand scheme of life, that's probably an ok thing.  And to be perfectly honest with you, I'll probably get over it in twenty minutes or so.  However - it was a reminder of how fleeting their childhood is.  "The days are long, but the years are short."  There used to be days - possibly entire weeks - that The Backyardigans were playing on my TV all. day. long.  (yes - I'm that parent, who allowed the TV to be on all day)  Right at this moment, though, I don't remember the last time it was on.  Months?  Years? 

At only ten and eight years old, they're already into different things.  The Backyardigans don't make the cut.  We're even out of the iCarly and Wizards of Waverly Place phase.  (I really liked those shows too.)  I guess that's why they say you should pay attention.  Enjoy them while they're young.  My grandmother used to say, "Don't wish your life away."  I may say that every now and then.  Yet, even as the words are coming out of my mouth, I don't always listen.  I find myself looking forward to not having to help with homework.  I'm jealous of my friends with teenagers who can drive themselves all over town.  There are even days when I think, "if I hear 'Mommy!!!' one more time..."

Hmmm....blogging about missing helping with homework....

Yeah, right now, I still can't picture that one.  However, I'm thinking on our annual road trip this year, I just might have to unearth those Backyardigans CDs.  I bet they'll love that!!!

(well - at least I will)

Extraordinary??? Yeah, I Think So.

So I'm scrolling through Facebook this morning and one of my favorite pages (In Power Sisterhood) has this posted:

"Good people are not those who lack flaws, the brave are not those who feel no fear, and the generous are not those who never feel selfish.  Extraordinary people are not extraordinary because they are invulnerable to unconscious biases.  They are extraordinary because they choose to do something about it." --- Shankar Vedantam

Above the quote IPS had this to say:

You are extraordinary and making incredible choices.  Share the choices with our sisterhood that help you overcome your flaws and fears!

I comment on this page often, so I started to comment, but quickly realized that my "comment" could possibly be pages long.  Aaaand here we are!  So where to begin?  Hmmm...fears....I've written about fear before and I am determined in my life to not be ruled by it.  Recently, I have seen many posts or quotes about the same concept in this quote, "...the brave are not those who feel no fear..." and I love it.  For a long time I thought the key to fear was to "not be afraid."  That's just not true - and it's impossible!  Of course there are things in life that we're going to be afraid of.  But this quote nails it.  It's not the absence of fear that makes someone brave, it's the willingness to face that fear, to go forward anyway, to overcome it. 

Personally, this whole concept has made fear easier for me to deal with.  When I thought I "shouldn't be afraid," I felt like a failure the instant I felt fearful.  Because with that mentality, I was.  I was already afraid - oops - fail!  However, feelings are feelings, it's what you do with those feelings that make a difference.  Now that I see it differently, when I get fearful I can pause (mentally freak out if necessary) and then decide if I'm going to face it or run from it.  I'd be lying if I said I never ran.  The important part is that sometimes I don't.  And whether it's a big fear or a tiny one, no matter what the outcome is, facing it equals a win.  To be honest, even sometimes when I run, it's still a win - or at least a tie!  Awareness is half the battle - and if you can recognize that you're running because you're afraid (and if you know why you're afraid - even better) then it's only a matter of time before you're brave enough to not run.

The other two concepts seem new to me.  Although they shouldn't.  I mean, after reading them I totally agree.  Obviously, everyone has flaws.  Even good people.  And one of those flaws can be selfishness.  Even for someone who is generous.  It makes sense.  I had just never thought about it before.  Unless of course, I'm judging them.  How many times have you been completely offended by someone's selfishness?  I know that for me, it's been countless times.  The "good people having flaws" isn't such a tough one for me.  We're all sinners and I easily recognize that we all make mistakes.  (Like being judgmental - oops)  But it's interesting to me that there are certain ones that strike a chord with me.  It's even more interesting that only certain ones with certain people strike a chord with me.  For example - selfishness in generous people.  Selfishness in and of itself doesn't offend me.  We've all been selfish at one point or another, and we've all been generous from time to time.  It's when someone I know who is consistently generous (it doesn't matter if it's with time or money or their love -whatever) and they slip up.  I've always been totally thrown by that because it's so out of character for them.  But why is that such a shocker?  Everyone does falter from time to time.  And if they're so generous that it shocks me when they're selfish, shouldn't that say even more about them?  That it's so rare?

It's also interesting to me that this specific example is in this quote - selfishness.  Only because it did trigger in me the times when I was judgmental about selfishness.  One of the ways I've been overcoming some of my flaws is to be mindful of others and cut them some slack. For the past 2-3 years, I've been working very hard (and trust me, sometimes this is very hard!!!) to accept people for who they are, recognizing where they are in their journey and accepting them even if they choose to stand completely still.  I'm proud to say that in many areas and with many people, I have indeed been successful.  But selfishness - that's one I still get judgmental about.  Hmmm....they say what you don't like about others are the things you don't like about yourself.  I guess that means I know what I need to work on next.

Well, those are my thoughts on the things mentioned specifically in that quote.  To answer the question - what have I done to overcome my flaws and fears - the biggest thing I've done is being more mindful.  Definitely of others and also of myself.  I spent years just reacting.  If I liked something, you knew.  If I didn't like something, you knew that too.  To be clear, I don't think sharing your feelings or opinions is a bad thing by a long stretch!  What I do think is bad is to react to something or someone without thinking through the consequences.  For me personally, although I do care whether or not I hurt someone's feelings with a response, it's more about how I want to show up.  Do I want to be a negative or a positive person?  If I'm compelled to tell someone I disagree with them, do I have to do it in the nastiest way?  So being mindful is a big one for me.

Another big one is the choice to be positive.  There are two sides to every story - sometimes even more than two.  And a lot of the time, the end result of a situation wasn't the intent.  If I've been hurt, I try to ask myself if I think that's what that person meant to do?  Someone hurting me on purpose vs someone doing it intentionally are two very different things in my world.  Yes, it's difficult to try to see the difference when you're smack dab in the middle of it, but it gets easier with practice.

I've also been doing a lot of introspective work that has helped me immensely!!!  (All of those aha moments are way too much information for right now!)  I show up differently in my life because of this work.  I see things differently.  I forgive differently.

So as I read "You are extraordinary and making incredible choices" I had a moment of a shy, "Aww, thanks."  Then I had to pause for a moment.  Extraordinary?  Really?  I mean, yeah, it's sometimes hard work, but it's so powerful that it's totally worth it!  Why wouldn't I do it?  Oh, wait.  That's right.  Not everyone does.  That's sort of the point isn't it?  Some people are too scared to look at themselves that closely.  Some people are too selfish to let go of their emotional clutter.  Some people are flawed.  Again - all ok!  But that's what makes those who make the effort to do something about it extraordinary!

For those of you who know me, you know I think I'm all that and a bag of chips.  However, even I wouldn't - haven't ever used the word extraordinary.  It took me a moment as I reread that sentence.  Extraordinary?  Me?  And then I looked back over my journey over the past few years, let the tears spill out and I saw how far I've come.  And for the first time in my life, I thought, yeah, I think so!

Grateful for Opportunities

I read an article this morning about a woman who was going through tremendous emotional growth.  Unfortunately, it came at a very busy time in her work life.  She was struggling with the fact that this growth took up time that should have been spent working on a project.  Although I'm not working and I currently have no deadlines, I definitely sympathize with her.  Recently, I have been working on some deep set issues of my own and I can easily say it is time consuming!  I decide that I'm going to "sit in the emotion" of whatever the issue is (fully thinking this will only take a little while) and two to three hours later, I emerge from my room exhausted.  Usually there has been crying, frustration and sometimes anger.  Almost always, I will have come across at least one a-ha moment and I do feel like I've grown.  However, like the woman I mentioned, I do start to think about all of the things that I "could have" accomplished in that time.

I didn't realize it until I read that article, but here's the thing that I'm most disturbed about.  Why is our emotional growth not important?  I would bet that quite a few people I know would think I was nuts if they knew how much time I've spent "sitting in emotion" in the past few months.  Here's the thing - it's so amazing!  I am constantly shocked at the number of times I react to something without even knowing why.  Most of the time, the reaction has nothing to do with the actual situation - weird - or is it?  It is amazingly empowering to look back at a reaction that I had only thirty minutes ago and figure out why my reaction was so strong.  (or so wrong)  Awareness is the first step.  If you can figure out why you do the things you do, you can change them.  Or not!  That's the beauty - it's up to you!

Wow!  To be able to choose who you want to be!  I have spent years and years saying, "That's just who I am."  It wasn't an untrue statement.  But when "who you are" is someone you don't like - change it!  That's so easy to say.  But it is crazy difficult to do.  The secret is that the most difficult part of that change is if you don't know why you're doing it in the first place, so figuring that out is key.  Only after the knowledge comes can the change begin.  Voila - growth!  And no, my house still isn't vacuumed.  It's all about the choices we make.

As for the timing - the woman being frustrated that her growth didn't come at a great time - when is there ever a good time?  When does anyone say, "I'd like to take hours, days or months to do something that is going to take away from everything else in my life?"  The answer is never!  No one ever says that.  Especially something that is difficult.  Especially something that you can't casually say to a co-worker who you're sure hasn't had a day of emotional growth in their life.  Especially something that some could mistake for selfishness or laziness.  My opinion?  The timing is always perfect!  It doesn't matter what you're going through or how busy you are.  Deep emotional issues are indeed difficult and if you're not ready to deal with them, they won't rear their little heads.  They come when you're ready.  They come when you need them.

Trust me - I don't always like going through all of the tough stuff any more than the next person.  What I do like is being a grown up.  I like not reacting to something like I did when I was 19.  I like taking pause and deciding the best way to handle something.  Yes, it's hard, but I can honestly tell you that whenever I cave to what's easy, I always wish I could turn back time and handle it differently.  That makes it worth it!

Situations and people and feelings are put in front of us as opportunities.  I couldn't begin to name all of the possibilities, but when it comes to the opportunity for growth....no matter how difficult it is....I am indeed grateful!

A Frog Outside My Window?

I've started this post three different times now - with three different topics.  I'm in one of those "I'm all over the place" modes.  I've been doing a lot of introspection, lately so the deep thoughts in my head are many.  It's Sunday night, so my to-do list for this week is in the forefront and it feels like emails and phone calls and chores are in a vicious game of rock/paper/scissors.  Of course how I really want to spend my time this week is by doing nothing unless some sort of fun!  Unfortunately, fun normally doesn't show up on my doorstep in the middle of the week unannounced, so I'm guessing a huge amount of laundry is in my future.

There's always the possibility that I'll figure out what to do with my life by the time I wake up tomorrow, so then I could do that instead.  Of course, that's why I'm here.  I have a friend whose dream has inspired me!  I want to help, I want to be a part of it, I want that excitement.  Oh, wait - I have a dream, right?  Ummm...yeah?  Oh, I remember, I wanted to try my hand at writing.  The only problem is that deep introspection, emails, phone calls and chores get in the way.  Not to mention the whole mommy thing - driving kids back and forth, practicing the piano, homework and making them feel cherished all at the same time.  It's no wonder that writing got pushed to the bottom of the list.

I decided not tonight.  I sat down and started to write.  Hmmm...that first one didn't feel quite right.  The second one - well, I have something very profound to say on that topic, but the words just weren't coming out right.  Then I heard what sounds like a frog outside of my window and I thought, "That's what I should write about."  How cool would it be to have a frog outside of my window?  I know that those who know me well are thinking that I'm not the type of girl who likes frogs - wrong!!!  I LOVE frogs.  As a matter of fact, I do much better with slimy than I do with crawly.  (I guess I have my Jr. High biology teacher to thank for that.)  So I'd be thrilled to have a little froggie out front.

The more I think about it, there isn't really a lot to say about the possibility of having a frog outside of my window.  The good news is that little croak got me going.  I have officially written a post tonight.  So here we go again, faithful friends.  Let's hope I'll be back tomorrow night.  And if it's getting too late and you're not seeing something from me - let's hope that little frogger dude croaks me into another writing mood.  Maybe next time, you'll get some profound thoughts.