Well I am feeling great right now! And no, it's not the glass of wine I had. (Thanks again, Steph!) It's that this has been an amazing day!!! The last couple of weeks - and especially the last couple of days - have been up and down with a lot of stress. My dad has been in and out of the hospital with one thing after another. I am normally a pretty positive person - thanks mostly to The Secret and The Happiness Project - but even when you're positive about an outcome, sometimes the "going through it" part is difficult.
There are so many pieces that I try to fit together in these situations. First and foremost, I try to stay positive. Not just for myself, but for all involved. Next, I try to be supportive - doing whatever I can to make the people I love more comfortable. I try to be understanding. We're all stressed out - trying to keep our focus on my dad while trying to make sense out of how it effects each of us individually. Of course, we're all tightly wound in these circumstances, so when someone loses it, I try to not take it personally and forgive. In addition to all of that, I try to cut myself some slack when I fall short and figure out how to rejuvenate when I'm depleted.
Sometimes that's a tall order to fill. Today however, all of the pieces fit into place. Now I don't mean to diminish the stress of the situation. My dad did have surgery. There are always the possibilities of complications or things not working out the way we hope they will. So of course there was stress and worry. However, I kept my positive attitude. I was sure that he would come through the surgery and that it would be successful. It was! Emotionally, we all came together and made each other laugh and kept each other going through the "waiting, waiting, waiting" period. But today I lucked out. One of my friends blessed our family by bringing us breakfast and coffee (as well as lunch yesterday) so no worries about who was going to get which kind of food and when. No decisions had to be made. No one had to worry that while they were out getting food, the doctor might come - food was already there - woohoo!
She also blessed us with a beautiful prayer. It was not only touching, but it brought me back to being thankful for all that I have been blessed with already. I lucked out again in that no one went off the deep end today. I can't speak for anyone else, so maybe someone was on the edge. But outwardly, we all held it together and were able to keep each other laughing. I had a lovely dinner with the women of my family and I am thankful for each one of them. (Thanks for letting your mom stay out late, cuz!)
When we got the results of the surgery, it was mostly good news - only one small worry left - but my dad did great! The doctors - who I like to refer to as "the best of the best" and "Dr. Hottie" did a wonderful job and are very focused on the big picture - keeping my dad and his appendages in tact. I feel like he has the very best care he could get. The staff is great and we have not one complaint about them or the facility (knock on wood).
However --- all of this pales in comparison to one little thing - my dad's smile! When we first got to see him after the surgery, he was still pretty drugged and yet still in a bit of pain. No one likes to see someone they love in pain, so seeing him cringe at the cramp in his leg was unpleasant to say the least. It wasn't long before they started to get his pain managed and he started to wake up a bit. I understand that normally in these situations, most people take comfort in talking to their loved one or hearing a certain phrase or a certain tone in their voice. And of course all of that is good for me too. But here was the best part of my day.....
One of my sisters was sitting behind him, one was at his side and my mom and I were facing him. My sister sitting behind him made a comment and he responded to her. I immediately laughed out loud. Both of my sisters and my mom asked, "What did he say?" (he has a very loud vent in his room which makes it very difficult to hear him speak) And my answer was this, "I have no idea, but by the smile on his face, he thinks he's being funny!"
There are so many things I love about my dad. But I have to say that his desire to laugh is on the top of my list. It's the thing that gives me the most confidence that he's ok. Of course, he's not smiling or laughing all of the time. He's going through a lot, has been in a lot of pain and I know the worry gets to him. But he still wants to laugh. He still wants to make us laugh. And watching him smile as the four of "his girls" fought over who was his favorite and who got to give him the last kiss goodbye for the night was the best gift he could give me today.
With Father's Day being tomorrow, I can't imagine what I could possibly give him that's better than that. A new pair of slippers just won't cut it. So I guess when I visit him tomorrow, I'll do my best to give him what he still desires - a good laugh. And then we'll both get a gift - because if I'm successful, I'll get to see that smile!
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