Grateful for Opportunities

I read an article this morning about a woman who was going through tremendous emotional growth.  Unfortunately, it came at a very busy time in her work life.  She was struggling with the fact that this growth took up time that should have been spent working on a project.  Although I'm not working and I currently have no deadlines, I definitely sympathize with her.  Recently, I have been working on some deep set issues of my own and I can easily say it is time consuming!  I decide that I'm going to "sit in the emotion" of whatever the issue is (fully thinking this will only take a little while) and two to three hours later, I emerge from my room exhausted.  Usually there has been crying, frustration and sometimes anger.  Almost always, I will have come across at least one a-ha moment and I do feel like I've grown.  However, like the woman I mentioned, I do start to think about all of the things that I "could have" accomplished in that time.

I didn't realize it until I read that article, but here's the thing that I'm most disturbed about.  Why is our emotional growth not important?  I would bet that quite a few people I know would think I was nuts if they knew how much time I've spent "sitting in emotion" in the past few months.  Here's the thing - it's so amazing!  I am constantly shocked at the number of times I react to something without even knowing why.  Most of the time, the reaction has nothing to do with the actual situation - weird - or is it?  It is amazingly empowering to look back at a reaction that I had only thirty minutes ago and figure out why my reaction was so strong.  (or so wrong)  Awareness is the first step.  If you can figure out why you do the things you do, you can change them.  Or not!  That's the beauty - it's up to you!

Wow!  To be able to choose who you want to be!  I have spent years and years saying, "That's just who I am."  It wasn't an untrue statement.  But when "who you are" is someone you don't like - change it!  That's so easy to say.  But it is crazy difficult to do.  The secret is that the most difficult part of that change is if you don't know why you're doing it in the first place, so figuring that out is key.  Only after the knowledge comes can the change begin.  Voila - growth!  And no, my house still isn't vacuumed.  It's all about the choices we make.

As for the timing - the woman being frustrated that her growth didn't come at a great time - when is there ever a good time?  When does anyone say, "I'd like to take hours, days or months to do something that is going to take away from everything else in my life?"  The answer is never!  No one ever says that.  Especially something that is difficult.  Especially something that you can't casually say to a co-worker who you're sure hasn't had a day of emotional growth in their life.  Especially something that some could mistake for selfishness or laziness.  My opinion?  The timing is always perfect!  It doesn't matter what you're going through or how busy you are.  Deep emotional issues are indeed difficult and if you're not ready to deal with them, they won't rear their little heads.  They come when you're ready.  They come when you need them.

Trust me - I don't always like going through all of the tough stuff any more than the next person.  What I do like is being a grown up.  I like not reacting to something like I did when I was 19.  I like taking pause and deciding the best way to handle something.  Yes, it's hard, but I can honestly tell you that whenever I cave to what's easy, I always wish I could turn back time and handle it differently.  That makes it worth it!

Situations and people and feelings are put in front of us as opportunities.  I couldn't begin to name all of the possibilities, but when it comes to the opportunity for growth....no matter how difficult it is....I am indeed grateful!

A Frog Outside My Window?

I've started this post three different times now - with three different topics.  I'm in one of those "I'm all over the place" modes.  I've been doing a lot of introspection, lately so the deep thoughts in my head are many.  It's Sunday night, so my to-do list for this week is in the forefront and it feels like emails and phone calls and chores are in a vicious game of rock/paper/scissors.  Of course how I really want to spend my time this week is by doing nothing unless some sort of fun!  Unfortunately, fun normally doesn't show up on my doorstep in the middle of the week unannounced, so I'm guessing a huge amount of laundry is in my future.

There's always the possibility that I'll figure out what to do with my life by the time I wake up tomorrow, so then I could do that instead.  Of course, that's why I'm here.  I have a friend whose dream has inspired me!  I want to help, I want to be a part of it, I want that excitement.  Oh, wait - I have a dream, right?  Ummm...yeah?  Oh, I remember, I wanted to try my hand at writing.  The only problem is that deep introspection, emails, phone calls and chores get in the way.  Not to mention the whole mommy thing - driving kids back and forth, practicing the piano, homework and making them feel cherished all at the same time.  It's no wonder that writing got pushed to the bottom of the list.

I decided not tonight.  I sat down and started to write.  Hmmm...that first one didn't feel quite right.  The second one - well, I have something very profound to say on that topic, but the words just weren't coming out right.  Then I heard what sounds like a frog outside of my window and I thought, "That's what I should write about."  How cool would it be to have a frog outside of my window?  I know that those who know me well are thinking that I'm not the type of girl who likes frogs - wrong!!!  I LOVE frogs.  As a matter of fact, I do much better with slimy than I do with crawly.  (I guess I have my Jr. High biology teacher to thank for that.)  So I'd be thrilled to have a little froggie out front.

The more I think about it, there isn't really a lot to say about the possibility of having a frog outside of my window.  The good news is that little croak got me going.  I have officially written a post tonight.  So here we go again, faithful friends.  Let's hope I'll be back tomorrow night.  And if it's getting too late and you're not seeing something from me - let's hope that little frogger dude croaks me into another writing mood.  Maybe next time, you'll get some profound thoughts.