I was talking to a friend the other day about high school cliques and the conversation has stuck with me. Obviously, it made me start thinking back to my own high school days. I wasn't part of the "IN" crowd. Fortunately, I wasn't hated by them either (to my knowledge) so my life wasn't horrible. The truth is that I'm one of those weirdos who actually liked high school. Even more strange, I enjoyed Jr. high as well. I'm pretty sure a portion of my gratitude for that should indeed go to my clique. Again, I wasn't "popular," but I was popular within my clique. There were definitely times I thought of myself as their leader. Of course, as I'm writing this - knowing that some of "my clique" will be reading it - I'm wondering if that was just in my head and I'm offending them. Wouldn't that be awful to get into one of those "who do you think you are?" fights all these years later? I would feel terrible!
Do you see what just happened there? That's the downfall of cliques. You just barely start to reminisce and you're right back in it - wondering what they're going to think, if they'll be mad or hurt, if they'll understand - ugh! No wonder most people hate high school. Once you're out and truly start to live, you realize how silly it is to limit yourself to one group of people. Or at least I did.
I went to beauty school and by the end of that year, I was working in a high end salon in Cherry Creek. I also became more involved with my church. At this point, I was spending my days with highly creative people who had experienced more of the wild side of life than I had ever imagined (the stylists, manicurists and receptionists) as well as highly polished people who had good educations, great jobs, high social status and made more money than I had ever imagined (the clients). I spent some evenings at Bible studies, having craft nights or scrapbooking and some evenings country dancing, dating or hanging out downtown. I saw a ton of movies and didn't have time for TV.
As the first couple of years of my 20s passed, my days and my nights were merging. I was having dinners and scrapbooking with clients and my high school friends were getting their hair and nails done at my salon. The "party crowd" I worked with took me out for my 21st birthday and didn't disappoint. All of these people became my friends and I was aware of how blessed I was to have figured out that I can have more than three or four friends - and they don't all have to be in the same "clique".
In my mind this must happen to everyone. We grow up and merge into many different versions of ourselves. The first time I considered that this might not happen for everyone is also one of the great compliments of my life. It was the end of one of my bridal showers (by this point, I had also thrown my fiance's friends into the mix - adding computer geeks and softball players) when one of my high school friends came up to me and said, "You amaze me." "Why?" I asked. (Ok - if I'm being honest, she's always been one of my biggest fans, so I love having these conversations with her - but I didn't see this one coming.) "You have such a variety of friends." I didn't understand what she meant. I looked around and everyone looked normal to me. She must've noticed the confused expression on my face because she went on to explain, "You have rednecks and jocks and college graduates and dropouts, pretty friends and plain friends, some people are dressed in designer clothes and some shopped at Kmart and you get along with all of them. How do you do it?" It seemed so natural to me, so I just answered, "I don't know. It's just worked out."
I went on with my life like that - with my many groups of friends - treasuring each one. I was thrilled when my oldest daughter started school and I was able to add "school moms" to the list. Just when I think I've been blessed with so many wonderful women already that there just can't be any more out there, I meet someone else who I connect with. Yay! I'm loving this! But wait! My oldest daughter is in the second grade now and I'm noticing it more and more. The cliques are back! Not the kids - the moms! Yikes! How did this happen?
They're different now - not cheerleaders, stoners and geeks - they're more.....well.....I don't even know how to distinguish them. There are minute differences. Some of my friends say the difference is which size house you live in, some say it's how often you work out. Some say it's how involved you are in school or if you work or stay home with your kids. Again, the differences are hard for me to see, but I can feel them. I feel it when I walk up and see two or three little groups formed and I don't feel comfortable joining any of them. I also feel it when I walk up and see "my clique" (or at least someone from one of my cliques). A smile touches my heart when I know I have a place to walk up to confidently and know I'll be included into the conversation.
See? High school all over again. I wonder - are we all just repeating the same cycle? I wonder because once again - I don't think I'm part of the "IN" crowd. I do however love the clique(s) I am in. And I think they love me. So the big question to me is - does it really matter?
For me it doesn't. I don't really care who's in what clique. I know who my friends are and - just as in high school - their opinions are the only ones that matter to me. Here's the problem, though: in high school, if we didn't care about what someone thought of us or if we didn't want to be friends with them, we could just blow them off and forget about them. Sometimes, we could just ignore them and sometimes it would become an out and out feud, but who cared, right? Well now - our children care. These women are our kids' friend's moms. Even if our kids aren't friends today, we still have a decade more to go. That's a decade of being on committees together, of chance friendships or dating, at the minimum - seeing them every day at drop off or pick up. So now what?
Now my answer is three of the commandments I try to live by. 1 - Be polite. I always feel worse when I am rude or mean (even when it seems deserved). I tend to go with the "kill 'em with kindness" angle if someone is being hurtful to me. 2 - Cut them some slack. This one is sooooo hard, but it has changed my life. Once I started doing this, my world became a more peaceful place. If someone is cutting me off in traffic - maybe they're super late to an important meeting. If someone is criticizing me, they probably don't feel worthy of praise. If they're not being a good friend, maybe it's because they need one. 3 - Let it go. The truth is that I am going to have to deal with some of these women for the next decade, so whatever idiotic thing they just said to set my teeth on edge - just let it go. (Ok - maybe vent to a real friend for a bit first - but then let it go) These are the people who aren't worth my time or energy. I know who my friends are and they're the ones who deserve my attention. Any time wasted on negative thoughts would be better spent saying or doing something nice for a true friend.
I went back further into my memories - to try to figure out when I was first aware of "cliques". I'm pretty sure it was when I were still in grade school. So I guess it makes sense that I've come full circle. And now I'm curious at something else. Is this really an immature, childish thing - to have cliques? Or did we learn it from our moms? Maybe it's worse for our kids in middle school because they've had five years of observation to perfect it. Maybe....
Oh goodness.....that's a post for another day.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Renewal in the Fall
I love this time of year! Jeans, sweatshirts, falling yellow and orange leaves and football! My absolute favorite things to wear are shorts and a sweatshirt. It's like two seasons collide - awesome! It's the time of year when the weather is finally cool enough that you don't need the air conditioning on, but it's not cold enough for the heat either. Snuggling under the covers with a good book seems like the best idea you've ever had! It's the time of year I try to find reasons to be outside. The ucky bugs that I don't like are disappearing and the leaves are crunching under my feet - plus it's like the world around me has been repainted. The various shades of green start to fade while the yellows, oranges and reds get more and more vibrant every day. Football starts (which I love) and for the first time in years, I feel like I actually have a bit of time to enjoy watching it.
Of course, Mother Nature and the NFL aren't the only reasons I love the fall. It always feels like the perfect time to get a fresh start. Many people feel that way at the beginning of the year (and I feel it then too), and of course in the springtime, but for me - it's the fall. Maybe it's because when I was growing up, I loved school so much. With the "beginning of the year" always being in September, it always felt like the possibilities were endless. A new teacher, new friends, new things to learn - it was always exciting and fun. I loved shopping for new school clothes and even new school supplies. New, new, new! Everything seemed new - or at least different. Even the friends that I kept year to year had grown and changed somehow over the summer. Loving school as I did - I always felt it was my time to thrive. You know, before the dullness set in. Before the work got hard, before the cliques were in place, before you were fighting with your boyfriend - when you were just looking for a boyfriend and you still knew it all. Fun, fun, fun.
I know not everyone felt that way about school, but I did - then.
As a mom of a kindergartener and a second grader, I now feel much more overwhelmed. There is soooo much paperwork. And homework. And activities (ok - I did that one to myself, but still). I do NOT remember this much homework in the second grade. I do NOT remember the girls being this catty at this age. I'm sure I didn't learn to read in kindergarten. It's week four and I've already lost my daughter's homework twice - you read that right - me! Obviously, I'm not meant to be a second grader again!
Having said all that - I still love the fall. And yes, I still feel like it's a time to get a fresh start. (I obviously need a new system for homework!) I'm still - as always - working on making my office more functional. I'm working on perfecting my scheduling - wanting to get as much done as I can while still managing to be "fun mommy" sometimes, not wanting to completely neglect my family or friends in the process. I don't have everything in place, but therein lies the beauty of fall. Where many people may be looking at their lives wondering where the year went and what on Earth they did manage to accomplish - I look at my life and think: I still have more than three months to finish up my goals for the year. It's time to start fresh, so if there's something I've totally missed, now is the time!!!
I guess I have to add that to the reasons I love fall - hope. I never look at it like everything's dying. It always seems like time to start anew. With my Happiness Project firmly in place, my schedule being a work in progress and a large group of friends to support me along the way - I think I'm doing ok. Better than ok - I've climbed two mountains this year - what's better than that??? I'll tell you what's better - the fact that there are still even more possibilities! And since it's the "beginning of the year" - I'm just getting started!
Of course, Mother Nature and the NFL aren't the only reasons I love the fall. It always feels like the perfect time to get a fresh start. Many people feel that way at the beginning of the year (and I feel it then too), and of course in the springtime, but for me - it's the fall. Maybe it's because when I was growing up, I loved school so much. With the "beginning of the year" always being in September, it always felt like the possibilities were endless. A new teacher, new friends, new things to learn - it was always exciting and fun. I loved shopping for new school clothes and even new school supplies. New, new, new! Everything seemed new - or at least different. Even the friends that I kept year to year had grown and changed somehow over the summer. Loving school as I did - I always felt it was my time to thrive. You know, before the dullness set in. Before the work got hard, before the cliques were in place, before you were fighting with your boyfriend - when you were just looking for a boyfriend and you still knew it all. Fun, fun, fun.
I know not everyone felt that way about school, but I did - then.
As a mom of a kindergartener and a second grader, I now feel much more overwhelmed. There is soooo much paperwork. And homework. And activities (ok - I did that one to myself, but still). I do NOT remember this much homework in the second grade. I do NOT remember the girls being this catty at this age. I'm sure I didn't learn to read in kindergarten. It's week four and I've already lost my daughter's homework twice - you read that right - me! Obviously, I'm not meant to be a second grader again!
Having said all that - I still love the fall. And yes, I still feel like it's a time to get a fresh start. (I obviously need a new system for homework!) I'm still - as always - working on making my office more functional. I'm working on perfecting my scheduling - wanting to get as much done as I can while still managing to be "fun mommy" sometimes, not wanting to completely neglect my family or friends in the process. I don't have everything in place, but therein lies the beauty of fall. Where many people may be looking at their lives wondering where the year went and what on Earth they did manage to accomplish - I look at my life and think: I still have more than three months to finish up my goals for the year. It's time to start fresh, so if there's something I've totally missed, now is the time!!!
I guess I have to add that to the reasons I love fall - hope. I never look at it like everything's dying. It always seems like time to start anew. With my Happiness Project firmly in place, my schedule being a work in progress and a large group of friends to support me along the way - I think I'm doing ok. Better than ok - I've climbed two mountains this year - what's better than that??? I'll tell you what's better - the fact that there are still even more possibilities! And since it's the "beginning of the year" - I'm just getting started!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Ok, ok - I got it!
On August 1st, I attempted to climb to the top of Grays Peak - my first 14er. I didn't make it to the top, but I made it up very high and had an amazing experience. The coolest part was my satisfaction with what I had accomplished. I didn't feel disappointed at all - just proud of myself. I had a little "a-ha" moment with God at the end of the hike. Reinforcement of my belief that the journey is the reward and even though I didn't achieve my goal, my effort was huge and what I did achieve was good enough.
I'd been riding that high for about three weeks when I had an off day and on a whim decided that I didn't just want to reach the top of Grays Peak - I needed to reach the top of Grays Peak! And it was something that I needed to do all on my own! I love the women who went with me on my first attempt and I wouldn't change it for anything, but this was something different. This was something I needed to do!
Of course, that didn't last long - I'm a little freaked out about hiking alone, so I quickly started to try to figure out who I could coerce into going with me - again. Unfortunately, as far as my schedule went, my only two options were Saturday or Monday - Labor Day weekend. Hmmm...holiday weekend on short notice - maybe I should just attempt it on my own. Then my friend Ann called. (We haven't hiked together, but we'd like to.) We were talking about other things and she mentioned that she needs to make some plans to do things to keep herself busy. Inspiration hit me. She didn't have any plans on Monday and when I asked her if she wanted to climb a 14er with me, she practically jumped through the phone!
By the time we reconnected she had checked out the weather and the trip reports on Grays Peak and was making her list of what to bring. Unfortunately something weird was going on with the road up to Grays and we'd have to hike up the road for an additional mile and a half just to get to the base of the mountain. We quickly readjusted to climb Mt. Bierstadt. Originally my heart was set on Grays, but hey - a 14er is a 14er. Emily and Carole had said that it was easier than Grays, so I got a little more excited. Mt. Bierstadt summit, here I come!!!
Of course, I hadn't forgotten everything I had learned, so I started prepping Ann, "Even if we don't make it to the top, we'll still have a good hike. Let's just have fun." She responded, "We can do this!" (yay - motivation for me) I was getting excited to meet my goal and to spend time with Ann, but I also kept warning myself that it would be "enough" to try. I got everything prepared the night before and got to bed at a reasonable hour. I woke up at 3:00am, got ready, finished packing my backpack and drove the four minutes to Ann's house.
(Here's a bit of information for you - I've only been to Ann's house like three times - in the daylight - just so you know.)
So I get to Ann's house and....it's completely dark. Not one light on in the house. Hmmm. So I call Ann's cell (no land line). No answer. Hmmm. I call again. Still nothing. Hmmm. Ok, so I'm guessing that she overslept - I'll just go pound on the door. This is the right house, right? Yeah, I'm on the right street. Right? All of a sudden, doubt washed over me. If I'm wrong, and this isn't the right house, I'm pounding on the door of a stranger at 4:00 in the morning. Yikes! I called her cell again. Still no answer. Hmmm. I just couldn't do it. This whole thing took about fifteen minutes and the longer I sat there, the more sure I was that it was her house, but I still couldn't do it. Just in case I was wrong.
For a nano-second I thought about heading up by myself, but I couldn't do that to Ann. She had been so excited and she would be so disappointed. So I called one more time and left a message that I was going back home. I read a book for a bit - intending to call her every half hour, hoping that eventually it would wake her. However, sleepiness won out and I climbed back into bed. As I laid there, I thought about my conversation with God at the end of my last hike and I could almost hear Him chuckle. "Didn't you hear me? Didn't you get what I was trying to tell you?" His voice was light, like I was enjoying a conversation with a friend. He wasn't mad, it was more like, "Hell-o?" I smiled at the next thought that came to me. "You're not going to the top today either." With that I fell asleep.
I woke up to the phone ringing at 6:30. Ann did set her alarm clock, she just forgot to turn it on. She still wanted to go up, so I got up and picked her up just after 7:00. We got Starbucks and were on our way. At this point, neither of us had any expectation of making it to the top and the great part is that we were both ok with that. We laughed about how I probably looked like a stalker sitting outside her house. She was disappointed that she overslept, but we were both determined to have a great day. We started out at the base of Mt. Bierstadt at 9:19.
Since neither of us were in a hurry, we hiked at a slowly. Whenever one of us broke a sweat we slowed down. It was a leisurely pace and we enjoyed the beauty around us and each others company. We're both going through some changes right now, so sometimes our conversations got pretty deep. Sometimes we were silly. We laughed and we cried. I was reminded again about how sometimes being on a mountain with someone isn't about hiking. I took lots of pictures and she spun around singing, "The hills are alive - with the sound of mu-sic..."
As for the beauty of the mountain, I have to say once again that I am ashamed that I live so close and this is the first time I've been here. The mountains were just stunning. I could see Grays Peak and Torryes Peak and it was pretty cool to be able to pick them out - to be able to say, "I climbed that!" It was different because there weren't any of the pretty flowers that were in the meadow at Grays. Of course, that could just be that we missed them. It was also so much more open, not nearly as much foliage. You could see people on the trail almost all the way up the mountain. The path was much, much easier. I have complete confidence that I could've made it to the top, if we had left on time. It wasn't nearly as steep as Grays or as rocky - much less mental stress as to where you were stepping. The Sawtooth is between Mt. Beirstadt and Mt. Evans. It was breathtaking.
We stopped at about the half way point, had lunch and headed back down. An extra fun tidbit for me - as we were coming down a small group of high school kids were behind us and they were singing "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid. My friends and I (dorks that we were) watched that movie over and over in high school and knew all the songs by heart. I immediately flashed back and those memories put a smile on my face.
The only thing I didn't like about this hike is that to get back to the beginning of the trail you have to climb UP. Ugh! When you're on the last leg of a hike and feeling like you're almost there, it's just mean to make you climb again. I'll be honest, I grumbled more than a bit and Ann was nice enough to not get frustrated with me. We finally make it back to the car. The entire hike took about seven hours.
We went to a Christmas store in Georgetown and had dinner at Euro, causing us to miss most of the holiday traffic on the way home. What a great day!!!
To bring us back full circle, I re-read my Grays blog and again I have to thank God for being so patient with me. One of the things that I love is that He keeps giving me opportunities to understand what I'm supposed to be learning. And there's one thing that I mentioned in my Grays blog, but I didn't focus on it: contentment. Yes, I think I was supposed to get the things that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, but there was something I had missed. The way I felt at the end of hiking Grays was content. My life is good! Sometimes even great. When I had that weak day, when I decided that I HAD to get to the top - I wasn't content.
I'm in a good place and I need to enjoy where I am - like I enjoyed yesterday. There was no rush, no goal to attain, no disappointment in myself. Am I going to stop trying to improve in certain areas of my life? No. But I need to be content with the accomplishments I have made. Ok, ok - I got it!
I'd been riding that high for about three weeks when I had an off day and on a whim decided that I didn't just want to reach the top of Grays Peak - I needed to reach the top of Grays Peak! And it was something that I needed to do all on my own! I love the women who went with me on my first attempt and I wouldn't change it for anything, but this was something different. This was something I needed to do!
Of course, that didn't last long - I'm a little freaked out about hiking alone, so I quickly started to try to figure out who I could coerce into going with me - again. Unfortunately, as far as my schedule went, my only two options were Saturday or Monday - Labor Day weekend. Hmmm...holiday weekend on short notice - maybe I should just attempt it on my own. Then my friend Ann called. (We haven't hiked together, but we'd like to.) We were talking about other things and she mentioned that she needs to make some plans to do things to keep herself busy. Inspiration hit me. She didn't have any plans on Monday and when I asked her if she wanted to climb a 14er with me, she practically jumped through the phone!
By the time we reconnected she had checked out the weather and the trip reports on Grays Peak and was making her list of what to bring. Unfortunately something weird was going on with the road up to Grays and we'd have to hike up the road for an additional mile and a half just to get to the base of the mountain. We quickly readjusted to climb Mt. Bierstadt. Originally my heart was set on Grays, but hey - a 14er is a 14er. Emily and Carole had said that it was easier than Grays, so I got a little more excited. Mt. Bierstadt summit, here I come!!!
Of course, I hadn't forgotten everything I had learned, so I started prepping Ann, "Even if we don't make it to the top, we'll still have a good hike. Let's just have fun." She responded, "We can do this!" (yay - motivation for me) I was getting excited to meet my goal and to spend time with Ann, but I also kept warning myself that it would be "enough" to try. I got everything prepared the night before and got to bed at a reasonable hour. I woke up at 3:00am, got ready, finished packing my backpack and drove the four minutes to Ann's house.
(Here's a bit of information for you - I've only been to Ann's house like three times - in the daylight - just so you know.)
So I get to Ann's house and....it's completely dark. Not one light on in the house. Hmmm. So I call Ann's cell (no land line). No answer. Hmmm. I call again. Still nothing. Hmmm. Ok, so I'm guessing that she overslept - I'll just go pound on the door. This is the right house, right? Yeah, I'm on the right street. Right? All of a sudden, doubt washed over me. If I'm wrong, and this isn't the right house, I'm pounding on the door of a stranger at 4:00 in the morning. Yikes! I called her cell again. Still no answer. Hmmm. I just couldn't do it. This whole thing took about fifteen minutes and the longer I sat there, the more sure I was that it was her house, but I still couldn't do it. Just in case I was wrong.
For a nano-second I thought about heading up by myself, but I couldn't do that to Ann. She had been so excited and she would be so disappointed. So I called one more time and left a message that I was going back home. I read a book for a bit - intending to call her every half hour, hoping that eventually it would wake her. However, sleepiness won out and I climbed back into bed. As I laid there, I thought about my conversation with God at the end of my last hike and I could almost hear Him chuckle. "Didn't you hear me? Didn't you get what I was trying to tell you?" His voice was light, like I was enjoying a conversation with a friend. He wasn't mad, it was more like, "Hell-o?" I smiled at the next thought that came to me. "You're not going to the top today either." With that I fell asleep.
I woke up to the phone ringing at 6:30. Ann did set her alarm clock, she just forgot to turn it on. She still wanted to go up, so I got up and picked her up just after 7:00. We got Starbucks and were on our way. At this point, neither of us had any expectation of making it to the top and the great part is that we were both ok with that. We laughed about how I probably looked like a stalker sitting outside her house. She was disappointed that she overslept, but we were both determined to have a great day. We started out at the base of Mt. Bierstadt at 9:19.
Since neither of us were in a hurry, we hiked at a slowly. Whenever one of us broke a sweat we slowed down. It was a leisurely pace and we enjoyed the beauty around us and each others company. We're both going through some changes right now, so sometimes our conversations got pretty deep. Sometimes we were silly. We laughed and we cried. I was reminded again about how sometimes being on a mountain with someone isn't about hiking. I took lots of pictures and she spun around singing, "The hills are alive - with the sound of mu-sic..."
As for the beauty of the mountain, I have to say once again that I am ashamed that I live so close and this is the first time I've been here. The mountains were just stunning. I could see Grays Peak and Torryes Peak and it was pretty cool to be able to pick them out - to be able to say, "I climbed that!" It was different because there weren't any of the pretty flowers that were in the meadow at Grays. Of course, that could just be that we missed them. It was also so much more open, not nearly as much foliage. You could see people on the trail almost all the way up the mountain. The path was much, much easier. I have complete confidence that I could've made it to the top, if we had left on time. It wasn't nearly as steep as Grays or as rocky - much less mental stress as to where you were stepping. The Sawtooth is between Mt. Beirstadt and Mt. Evans. It was breathtaking.
The only thing I didn't like about this hike is that to get back to the beginning of the trail you have to climb UP. Ugh! When you're on the last leg of a hike and feeling like you're almost there, it's just mean to make you climb again. I'll be honest, I grumbled more than a bit and Ann was nice enough to not get frustrated with me. We finally make it back to the car. The entire hike took about seven hours.
We went to a Christmas store in Georgetown and had dinner at Euro, causing us to miss most of the holiday traffic on the way home. What a great day!!!
To bring us back full circle, I re-read my Grays blog and again I have to thank God for being so patient with me. One of the things that I love is that He keeps giving me opportunities to understand what I'm supposed to be learning. And there's one thing that I mentioned in my Grays blog, but I didn't focus on it: contentment. Yes, I think I was supposed to get the things that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, but there was something I had missed. The way I felt at the end of hiking Grays was content. My life is good! Sometimes even great. When I had that weak day, when I decided that I HAD to get to the top - I wasn't content.
I'm in a good place and I need to enjoy where I am - like I enjoyed yesterday. There was no rush, no goal to attain, no disappointment in myself. Am I going to stop trying to improve in certain areas of my life? No. But I need to be content with the accomplishments I have made. Ok, ok - I got it!
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